20 of the Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week

People always use chicken nuggets as an example of unhealthy food parents feed their kids like do they even know how many fruit snacks my kid eats? Chicken nuggets are basically a cleanse for him.

— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) September 4, 2024

I started cooking dinner, and my 7yo paused in her playing, gave me a hard side eye, and opened the window in anticipation of smoke. That burn is worse than anything I could do to the food, y’all.

— Lil Bit 🌈 (@LizerReal) September 3, 2024

My niece was moving slowly so I flashed her my watch and said “tick tock” and she looked at me and said, “I’m not allowed to watch that”

— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) September 4, 2024

Happy return of “yes of course it’s bedtime see how dark it is outside” to all parents who celebrate

— girl fieri (@realgirl_fieri) September 3, 2024

My toddler found out he was going for his 2nd day of preschool today, as my wife was driving him there, and he said “NOOO ! I don’t want to see more people !”

I think he’s ready for adulthood, folks.

— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) September 5, 2024

My 6yo loves to build things out of cardboard boxes, so I'm really doing him a favor with all this online shopping

— meghan (@deloisivete) September 6, 2024

Both my kids start preschool this week but both of them have partial days on different days with different start and end times and I just started a part time schedule at work and literally no math class I have ever taken has prepared me for this.

— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) September 2, 2024

My 9yo on holding a very new baby: "she is so cute… the size of four rats 🥰"

— sarah (@sarahradz_) September 3, 2024

My sister: so how long have you been into trains?

My 2yo: 5 years

— Tessa 🤱🏻 (@Libraryoftessa) September 6, 2024

[my kid is crying]

me: what happened?

6: I fell!

me: oh no. what did you hit?

6: THE FLOOR!

— mom mom mom mom mom (@notmythirdrodeo) August 31, 2024

My sister thought it was hilarious when she bought my 3 year old a drum set all those years ago.

Today, her 3 year old is getting a marshmallow gun. Happy cleaning, sis 🥰

— Goddammit, Jamie (@Jay_FrickinLynn) August 31, 2024

I got pulled over ONE TIME when my daughter was with me and now whenever she sees a police car she says her own special little prayer of “please god let my mom drive normal”

— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) August 31, 2024

It’s only 9am, & I’ve already ruined my son’s entire life by giving him the banana with the brown spot on it.

— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) September 2, 2024

Our family group chat is mostly just me sending out the access code that was just texted to me so someone can log into one of my accounts.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) September 5, 2024

My parenting campaign to use the terms “wise” and “foolish” with the children has finally paid off:

4yo asked “Is that wise?” when I was trying to lift a very heavy box. (It was not wise.)

— Matt Bateman (@mbateman) September 1, 2024

My 17 just got home from two weeks at work camp. His first words to me?

"Do you have ANY IDEA what is like to live with a bunch of men?!?"

No, no son. I, a mom to 4 boys, have no idea. Please tell me.

Is it gross?

— 🪷Ambiguous Brown Emotional Support Canadian 🪷 (@GammaReigh) August 31, 2024

View of the thermostat at our oldest son's new (for him) house. I'll report back on the thermostat setting after they get their first gas and electric bill. pic.twitter.com/9NhsBg0RU3

— Ron Shillman (@shillman1) September 1, 2024

My 3yo: Mommy, we CANNOT watch scary movies on our TV. Turn off that scary movie RIGHT NOW. I DO NOT WIKE THAT SCARY MOVIE

The scary movie: pic.twitter.com/uryJmwj9dJ

— Amy Colleen (@sewistwrites) August 31, 2024

We are getting ready for a wedding and my son told me he likes my dress because I look like the towels from the bathroom. He got me. pic.twitter.com/nTI5CuUWEL

— Salena Koster (@Salencita) September 1, 2024