20 of the Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week

My two-year olds barely napped today and I spent the afternoon worried they were going to be miserable as the evening went along but they made it to bedtime perfectly fine and honestly it’s like they didn’t even need the sleep that they missed and…oh no.

OH NO.

— Aaron Hoyland (@aaronhoyland) September 15, 2024

my 4yo waved at a man with a face and neck full of tattoos

he waved back

4yo [yelling]: MOM THAT MAN IS SO *FANCY* HI FANCY MAN YOU’RE FANCY

— Dr. Caitlin Baird (@bairdlet) September 15, 2024

Helping my daughter clean her room and not only are we finding cash stashed in random places but she apparently also has a storage box full of unboxed gifts she’s received that she goes to when she “needs a little treat”

— House of M💜 (@TanaIsBananas) September 15, 2024

My 3yo said scales measure how fast we are. So anyway, I stepped on our scale and I’m a lot faster than I thought I was.

— Jennifer Parker (@Mrs_JParker) September 15, 2024

My daughter just told me I’m like Elsa, and at first I was flattered until she told me it’s because I don’t like people and would probably love living alone on a mountain

— Lottie-pop 🍭 (@Lottie_Poppie) September 16, 2024

My kid invented a game but told me it was too complicated and I wouldn't understand. Reader, he is throwing a stuffed animal repeatedly in the air and catching it

— meghan (@deloisivete) September 19, 2024

The fact that my kids think having cereal for dinner is a treat, is my greatest parenting win

— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) September 16, 2024

Got in the car and my 6yo greeted me with “well, well, well, look who’s here.”

This is the only greeting I’ll be accepting from now on.

— Jennifer Parker (@Mrs_JParker) September 14, 2024

me to Lydia: you are so smart!
lydia: and cute!

she is 21 months old 😂😂😂

— Taylor Schumann (@taylorsschumann) September 14, 2024

I thought my attitude was so cute until I procreated a tiny replica of myself.

— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) September 18, 2024

Kids will give you the biggest hug right before absolutely destroying your self-esteem in a drawing

— meghan (@deloisivete) September 16, 2024

7yo: Want to know how I got so good at math?

Me: Yes.

7yo: I found out there was a calculator on my watch, and I pretend to read the time in class now.

— MommyingHard (@MommyingHard) September 14, 2024

Me: How was schoo—
5yo: LUNCH WAS CHEESE PIZZA AS BIG AS MY FACE. THEY HAVE IT EVERY DAY THIS WEEK.
Me: So it was—
5yo: I LOVE IT HERE. FIVE STARS

— Courtney Ellis 🎈 (@courtneyellis) September 16, 2024

The best thing about my kids' school is that anytime anyone has ever called me in the middle of the school day, as soon as I answer they say "HiMrsMulrooneyeverythingsfine" and save me two and a half seconds of Mom Panic.

— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) September 18, 2024

First rule of kids sleep is You Do Not Brag About How Well Your Kids Sleep or the Sleep Fairy will come and take the sleep away

— sarah (@sarahradz_) September 17, 2024

5yo just asked "does stuff just mean what its supposed to mean" and i feel like i need several years and a grant to even begin to answer her

— once and future wife geist (@wife_geist) September 13, 2024

me: when I was a kid, we had to get up off the couch to change the channel.

my 9yo: you can still do that if you want to.

— Daddy Go Fish (@daddygofish) September 18, 2024

Our youngest is making herself a smoothie so long story short does anyone know how to clean blueberries off the ceiling?

— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) September 16, 2024

*visibly frustrated 2yo, makes a throwing motion towards me with her arm*

Me: uh what was that?

2: I throw tantrum!

— Average Dad (@Average_Dad1) September 17, 2024

My son: “Dad let’s go to the park!”

Me: “I can take you tomorrow.”

My son looming over me at 5am the next morning: pic.twitter.com/wP0OENAmDQ

— Adam Lane Smith | The Attachment Specialist (@AdamLaneSmith) September 15, 2024