The Funniest Posts About Married Life from 2025

Wife bought something on
FB Marketplace but she's afraid she'll get kidnapped so she sends me to pick it up from a guy who's wife sent him because she's afraid to get kidnapped.

— Mufasa007 (@Mufasa0062) November 13, 2025

husband told me his friend got a le creuset dutch oven and he didn't even ask what color. men are hopeless.

— lia (@tallsnail) October 28, 2025

I just found out my husband thought White Claws were energy drinks and he's been drinking one on the way to work every day.

— Kate Melvin (@RealKateMelvin) June 16, 2025

I asked my wife why she was in private browsing mode on her phone and she explained that Safari only allows 500 tabs in regular mode so she had to switch. You think you know a person

— Ryan Briggs (@ryancbriggs) July 12, 2025

my boyfriend and i aren’t big on pet names and occasionally opt for “beloved” or “sweetheart” but recently he’s been calling me Meatball Tony im afraid this is the one that’s really stuck

— Grace (@gracecamille_) January 10, 2025

My wife had a dream that I have a secret second wife named Linda. Now when she's mad at me I just say "Linda wouldn't get mad about that."

— Daddy Go Fish (@daddygofish) January 21, 2025

The hotel buffet has “breakfast wine”. Just when I was wondering what depraved person drinks sparkling wine at breakfast my wife came back with a glass…

— Hokkaido Dreamin'🇦🇺🇯🇵 (@dadsweb67) July 23, 2025

Gotta find someone you’re thermostatically compatible with. You can’t be a 74 dating a 62.

— Shannon (@gardengirl125) February 15, 2025

My husband was annoyed after spending $65 on two burgers and fries, so I said, “Bet yours could blow these away.” His eyes lit up. “Really? I’ll make some tomorrow!”

Two days later, I did the same with pasta.

And that’s how I Jedi mind-tricked my husband into becoming our chef.

— sixfootcandy (@sixfootcandy) March 5, 2025

My husband is out of town, but the cupboard doors are still open, so now I have to face some hard truths about myself

— meghan (@deloisivete) April 24, 2025

my husband is looking at jobs and this one through a hiring firm is "withholding the name of the company" for some reason but wants someone familiar with "chocolate technology" who is willing to move to Hershey, PA lmao

— 🌱 stick 🌱 (@briggityboppity) July 2, 2025

My future husband is very lucky, he will never stay hungry cos I know so many restaurants with delicious food

— Abike (@Abike__001) August 30, 2025

my husband spent four days with 9 of his oldest friends. i asked him if there was any news about their marriages, kids, families, jobs, etc. he said no. i asked what they talked about. he said they mostly tried to name every state capital and then every african country

— mindy🌷 (@mindyisser) August 21, 2025

Overheard at the hotel buffet:

David’s wife: “David, do you want a yoghurt?”

David, from the cooked breakfast area: “No thank you, darling… I haven’t come on holiday to eat yoghurt.”

— VeryBritishProblems (@SoVeryBritish) September 25, 2025

My husband told me that he used my sock trick on a recent trip so he wouldn't lose any. Reader, my "sock trick" is rolling matching pairs together

— meghan (@deloisivete) August 10, 2025

My husband and i have a secret to making our marriage last. Twice a week we go to a nice restaurant,drink a little wine,eat nice food, and enjoy a good conversation. He goes on Tuesdays and I go Friday.

— Clare (@Clarabell045788) July 9, 2025

When my husband goes to the store and he's desperately trying to reach me, he sends messages to the TV. pic.twitter.com/DdFCnvQvGi

— Tola | Travel Creator (@LivingWithTola) January 12, 2025

Time to annoy my husband pic.twitter.com/G5IS31qfBG

— bird 🐇 (@oliveegger) March 3, 2025