The holidays are magical… and also loud, exhausting, and powered entirely by parents running on caffeine and nostalgia.
Here are some funny Christmas tweets from parents who are just trying to survive the season with their sense of humor intact.
Janene
#1
My son cannot remember one of the two things he wanted for Christmas this year and he’s not concerned because “Santa knows what it was.”
— Be Kind Of Witty (@bekindofwitty) December 9, 2023
#2
Should we just leave the door open for Santa since we don't have a chimney?
— meghan (@deloisivete) December 9, 2023
-my kid who is about to get us burglarized
#3
12: How do they know Santa wants milk and cookies? What if he wants a Taco Bell combo?
— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) December 8, 2023
Me: Solid point.
#4
My parenting style right now is like “gentle parenting, gentle parenting, gentle parenting, I’M CANCELLING CHRISTMAS!!!, gentle parenting, gentle parenting…”
— Be Kind Of Witty (@bekindofwitty) November 20, 2022
#5
6 yo lost a tooth, but is planning to wait until Christmas Eve to put it under his pillow. That way, Santa and the tooth fairy will converge at our house…
— Katie M. (@katiemahood2) December 21, 2023
Does something special happen if they converge? Anyone know what the protocol is here? 🤣
#6
7yo: who's that
— meghan (@deloisivete) December 22, 2024
me: that's Jesus' mom Mary
7yo: oh yeah Mary Christmas
me:
7yo: that's their last name
#7
In what is potentially a gross misunderstanding of Christmas in general, my 2.5yo has hidden her wallet ahead of Santa’s arrival.
— kelly andrew (updates only) (@KayAyDrew) December 25, 2023
#8
Me: The 40s aren’t so bad, I still feel pretty good.
— Dad Pickup Line (@dadpickupline) December 22, 2024
Also Me: Wow I really should’ve stretched before wrapping presents last night.
#9
ONE OF THE KIDS REPLACED AN EMPTY TOILET PAPER ROLL IT'S A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE
— The Real Rodney Lacroix (@RealRodLacroix) December 18, 2022
#10
Dads only want one thing and it’s to immediately collect the torn wrapping paper for their giant trash bags on Christmas morning
— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) December 20, 2021
#11
7yo: Guess what a parent’s favorite holiday is.
— Paige Kellerman (@PaigeKellerman) December 9, 2019
Me: What?
7yo: Christmas. Because Santa takes care of everything and you just sit back and relax.
Me: It’s a huge relief, yes.
#12
Me: "Santa's quite old, you know."
— Lauren Hall-Lew (she/her), @[email protected] (@dialect) November 25, 2016
4yo: "How old is he? 26? 27?"
#13
Overheard my 7yo telling my 2.5yo “you can always tell which presents are from Santa and which are from mom because mom is not good at wrapping and Santa is perfect at it” and I’m not going to lie this has really broken my brain.
— kelly andrew (updates only) (@KayAyDrew) December 23, 2023
#14
Asked my 6-year-old what she wants for Christmas and she said "a toy chicken that's taller than Anthony" so now I can't even finish my shopping until I track down this Anthony and find out how tall he is. Why can't she just want a bike?
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) December 12, 2023
#15
Told the kids that I used to watch Rudolph but on VHS tape and my 6yo asked if that was around the time Christmas was discovered
— meghan (@deloisivete) December 1, 2024
#16
I'm at a kindergarten Christmas party and when it was time for the white elephant gift exchange every single kid chose the present they brought and no one swapped. It's like they had it all planned from the beginning.
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) December 23, 2023
#17
Every Christmas my parents write an individual letter to each of their children, sons in law, and grandchildren to tell them how proud they are of them and tonight my newborn got his letter and it was 2 pages single spaced and this kid hasn't even done anything yet.
— Eli McCann (@EliMcCann) December 21, 2024
#18
my son asked for a new hoodie for Christmas, so for convenience and to save time I'm having it shipped directly to his girlfriend's house
— 🌜🤷♂️ 🤯Dad Moon Rising🤯 🤷♂️🌛 (@raoulvilla) November 25, 2023
#19
“When I said Legos, I meant Roblox, but don’t worry about it. Santa knows what I meant.”
— Not the Nanny (@not_thenanny) December 23, 2020
My 4YO, on the evening of December 23rd.
#20
Every year, my childless (by choice) brother tries to find the most annoying toy on the planet to send to my kids for Christmas. So this year for his gift, I’m sending the kids for a visit and to keep them entertained, I’m sending all the toys, too.
— Mediocre Mom (@MediocreMamaa) December 17, 2023
#21
Me: Remembers every single word (including the rap) of TLC’s “Waterfalls,” a song that came out in 1995.
— Becky Vieira | Witty Otter (@wittyotter_) December 10, 2020
Also me: can’t remember where I hid one of my son’s Christmas presents two days ago.
#22
Cat’s in the Cradle, Christmas version pic.twitter.com/ztZWZe2vyc
— meghan (@deloisivete) December 16, 2024
#23
Grandson, 5, could not wait til Christmas Day to give me what I confidently predict will be my favourite present. It is, he tells me "hand crafted". pic.twitter.com/5AB5U7PQIh
— John Cosgrove (@johncosgrove405) December 24, 2024
#24
My daughter got a label maker from a relative for Christmas and it is truly the gift that keeps on giving. Not sure what I'm going to do when she actually learns to spell properly. pic.twitter.com/a0MlWUXFdA
— Stephanie H. Murray (@stephmurrayyyy) July 1, 2024
#25 “Your child has been cast as a door.” LOL
Nativity season is upon us! My son has been cast as a wise man. My daughter, on the otherhand – pic.twitter.com/ALWosPwbMM
— Emma Szewczak (@EmmaSzewczak) October 24, 2024
