Here’s a little round-up of some of the funniest posts I’ve come across lately.
Hope these bring you some laughs and hope you have a great week!
Janene
#1
MY DOG'S VET: who's a good boy? who's the handsomest boy? does you wanna cookie? does the handsome good boy want a cookie? does the handsomest best boy ever want a cookie?
— Jonathan Edward Durham (@thisone0verhere) January 18, 2024
MY DOCTOR: you look fatter and paler than I remember, sit down
#2
Got a new job at a cinema and it's changed my life, asked my boss "what if we see someone taking their own food in" and she said "Ryan, it's a myth, people can bring their own food in here" my life has been a lie
— 6ɪx✦ (@ok6ixx) March 15, 2026
#3
In a coffee shop we were served by a hipster barista who was wearing a large, wide hat. When she handed him his milk, my son said, "Thank you, kind witch."
— Chris Youles (@ChrisYoules) May 21, 2023
#4
Not sure if I should be more concerned about the son who locked me out of my bedroom today, or the one who showed me how to pick the lock.
— Amy Dillon (@amydillon) August 16, 2016
#5
Had a customer in tonight moaning that the tyre pressure machine was free but now we charge 50p.
— Victoria ✨ (@vickyallover) June 1, 2023
I shrugged and said “that’s inflation” and he didn’t even laugh why do I even bother?
#6
The dmv be like you forgot to bring the Declaration of Independence
— sandra 🤠 (@sandra32gonza) April 14, 2022
#7
Coming out of my driveway earlier as the postman walked past.
— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) June 2, 2023
Postman: Are you 34?
Me: [slightly confused but flattered] 34? I’ve actually just turned 47!
Postman: I mean do you live at number 34. I have a parcel.
Now obviously I have to sell my house and move very far away.
#8
My total was $129 at target and my kid was like “I can put this back” lmao GIRL $1.29 for your snickers bar isn’t gonna fix this 😂
— KLUVVVV (@mamahaaze) May 3, 2020
#9
There should be more daytime concerts. What do you mean “Doors at 9.” What about my bedtime?
— jon drake (@DrakeGatsby) December 30, 2023
#10
me at the grocery store: im going to make a mushroom risotto with herb crusted chicken and a vegetable medley!
— Matt. (@MattTheBrand) February 22, 2021
me when i get home: crackers
#11
*Me, a surgeon, chopping sweet potatoes with my mom.”
— Dr. Chels (@Muktab_) December 25, 2023
My mom: Be careful with that knife.
#12
Reading way above my grade level didn’t get me as far in life as I had hoped
— LL Gabagool Jay (@LLGabagoolJay) March 6, 2024
#13
My twins opened a hairdresser, told me my hair was “like camel fur” said they have no availability until July and I had to pay them 60 billion anyway. I’m pretty sure they were running a kitchen shop yesterday so I’m very concerned about their legitimacy
— MumInBits (@MumInBits) January 3, 2023
#14
My personal style is best described as "didn't expect to get out of the car."
— Amy Dillon (@amydillon) February 16, 2015
#15
Netflix and Hulu got one more price raise before I dust off that dvd player 😑
— Henny Verse (@_EricLamarBeatz) September 29, 2023
#16
An adult is a person that keeps ibuprofen in more than one place.
— Not Today Eric (@NotTodayEric) January 28, 2026
#17
Sitting across from the 5yo at dinner and something came up and I knew – I KNEW – she was about to say a bad word. I looked at her and she looked at me and I shook my head and said “don’t” and without taking her eyes off me she whispered “I’m thinking it”.
— Dinah (@dinahaddie) March 4, 2023
#18
god I wish I was the person I believed I could be when I bought all this produce
— sweatpants cher🔸 (@House_Feminist) November 3, 2018
#19
My little sister did homework for a kid in her school because he promised to pay her $30 but after she finished it for him he told her that he wasn’t gonna pay her so she just sent him a picture of an email draft addressed to him and his teacher and just says “what about now”
— Lukas Battle (@lukasbattle) January 25, 2020
#20
