“When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant, I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.” —Mark Twain
I’ve rounded up the funniest tweets about Father’s Day to share with the humor-loving dads in your life.
Happy Father’s Day to all the great dads out there!
#1
My kids woke me up on Father's Day with breakfast in bed.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 18, 2017
Just kidding.
My 1-year-old hit me in the head with a maraca.
#2
It’s that time of year again when the people who design Father’s Day cards are convinced dads only like football, golf, gardening, racing cars, cricket, beer, fishing, ties or farting.
— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) June 14, 2022
#3
WIFE: so what would you like to do for father’s day?
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) June 19, 2020
ME: *makes a few suggestions*
WIFE: ok but besides any of those things
#4
Father’s Day is a day of rest and relaxation until a toilet breaks or someone sees a spider.
— The Dad (@thedad) June 21, 2020
#5
My kids treated me to a Father's Day dinner. I ordered it, paid for it, and picked it up myself. It was exactly what I wanted. Thanks, kids.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 19, 2023
#6
In honor of Father's Day, I gave my husband a Home Depot gift card with a beautifully handwritten to-do list.
— KJ (@IDontSpeakWhine) June 19, 2022
#7
My husband got a new grill for Father’s Day and to establish his dominance over all the other neighborhood dads he took the huge box with the picture on it to the curb even though our trash won’t be picked up for days.
— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) June 21, 2020
#8
my husband keeps telling everyone i messed up his breakfast bc i forgot to make him toast so he got mad at me because he’s “lack-toast intolerant” and then laughs and laughs
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) December 27, 2023
they dont warn you about endless dad jokes, they should, but they dont
#9
I don't care what my family gets me for Father's Day as long as they don't waste $7 on a gift bag and tissue paper to put it in.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) June 19, 2021
#10
8yo: I wanna do something special for you on Father’s Day.
— Daddy Go Fish (@daddygofish) June 16, 2023
me: oh yea?
8yo: yea how about we take you to the water park and then get ice cream after?
#11
I’m going to give my husband what he really wants for Father’s Day… for 24 hours I’m not going to touch the thermostat.
— Mommy Owl (@Mommy__Owl) June 6, 2018
#12
Mothers Day:
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) June 16, 2024
Here are flowers and breakfast in bed, don’t lift a finger, it’s your day!
Father’s Day:
We thought it would be fun if you grilled everyone dinner, also here is a Home Depot gift card so you can finally hang those shelves.
#13
My 4 yr old son gave me a hand made card for Father's Day. Maybe for Christmas I'll draw him a picture of some toys.
— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) June 20, 2010
#14
6-year-old: What do you want for Father's Day?
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 19, 2020
Me: For you and your sisters to get along.
6: I'll make you a card.
#15
mother’s day cards: you raised me ♥️ you cooked for me 😋 you loved me 🥰
— soul nate (@MNateShyamalan) June 11, 2022
father’s day cards: happy birthday or whatever, fart idiot
#16
This Father's Day, be sure to thank your dad for secretly allowing you to do all that fun, dangerous stuff your mom wouldn't let you do.
— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) June 15, 2016
#17
7-year-old: I got you ice cream for Father's Day.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 16, 2019
Me: Where is it?
7: The store. You have to go there and buy it.
#18
Called my dad to wish him a Happy Father’s Day and we spent the whole time discussing back pain and ibuprofen. The circle is now complete.
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) June 17, 2018
#19
Please light a candle tonight to honor all fathers on Father’s Day because WE DON’T NEED ALL THESE LIGHTS ON!!
— McDad (@mcdadstuff) June 19, 2022
#20
Hope I get a chore list cleverly disguised as a Home Depot gift card again this Father's Day.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) June 17, 2018
#21
All I ask this Father’s Day is that my family join me outside on the lawn to admire the mow lines together
— McDad (@mcdadstuff) June 17, 2023
#22
Every year on Father's Day Eve a dad climbs down the chimney and sets your thermostat to the perfect temperature.
— Ꮍᴀᴇʟ (@elle91) June 19, 2017
#23
Midwest dads:
— Midwest vs. The Rest (@midwestern_ope) September 3, 2019
gets bill at restaurant: "what’s the damage”
tightens strap on back of truck: “that’s not going anywhere”
flips over a piece of meat on the grill: “oh yeah that’s money right there”
asked what time it is: “time for you to get a watch”
answers the phone: “YELLO”
#24
9yo, after giving my husband a heartfelt handmade Father's Day card: "They made us do that for school, that wasn't my idea."
— SpacedMom (@copymama) June 20, 2022
#25
