20 of the Funniest Tweets About Father’s Day

My kids woke me up on Father's Day with breakfast in bed.

Just kidding.

My 1-year-old hit me in the head with a maraca.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 18, 2017

WIFE: so what would you like to do for father’s day?
ME: *makes a few suggestions*
WIFE: ok but besides any of those things

— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) June 19, 2020

Father’s Day is a day of rest and relaxation until a toilet breaks or someone sees a spider.

— The Dad (@thedad) June 21, 2020

It’s that time of year again when the people who design Father’s Day cards are convinced dads only like football, golf, gardening, racing cars, cricket, beer, fishing, ties or farting.

— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) June 14, 2022

my family asked what i wanted to do for father's day so i'm spending 16 hours in the bathroom.

— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) June 20, 2021

I was almost asleep when my 7yo came in and whispered, “daddy, I’m not going to tell you what we got you for Father’s Day, but it’s a best dad ever T-shirt.” Then she squealed with excitement, because she was clearly the master of surprises.

— No Idea: Daddy Blog (@byclintedwards) June 19, 2021

My husband got a new grill for Father’s Day and to establish his dominance over all the other neighborhood dads he took the huge box with the picture on it to the curb even though our trash won’t be picked up for days.

— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) June 21, 2020

I don't care what my family gets me for Father's Day as long as they don't waste $7 on a gift bag and tissue paper to put it in.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) June 19, 2021

I asked my husband what he wanted for Father’s Day & he said silence & then we all laughed & laughed & the kids went back to breaking the sound barrier.

— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) June 17, 2018

I’m going to give my husband what he really wants for Father’s Day… for 24 hours I’m not going to touch the thermostat.

— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) June 6, 2018

7-year-old: I got you ice cream for Father's Day.

Me: Where is it?

7: The store. You have to go there and buy it.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 16, 2019

A thoughtful way to honor your dad on Father's Day is to post a picture of him on a social media site that he doesn't know how to use.

— The Volatile Mermaid (@OhNoSheTwitnt) June 21, 2015

My 4 yr old son gave me a hand made card for Father's Day. Maybe for Christmas I'll draw him a picture of some toys.

— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) June 20, 2010

Get your dad what he really wants this Father's Day by turning off the lights when you leave a room.

— Mike Primavera (@primawesome) June 18, 2015

mother’s day cards: you raised me ♥️ you cooked for me 😋 you loved me 🥰

father’s day cards: happy birthday or whatever, fart idiot

— soul nate (@MNateShyamalan) June 11, 2022

This Father's Day, be sure to thank your dad for secretly allowing you to do all that fun, dangerous stuff your mom wouldn't let you do.

— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) June 15, 2016

Called my dad to wish him a Happy Father’s Day and we spent the whole time discussing back pain and ibuprofen. The circle is now complete.

— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) June 17, 2018

Told my toddler today was Father’s Day and she said “you’re welcome” if you were wondering how the current batch of Generation Z is coming along.

— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) June 17, 2018

Hope I get a chore list cleverly disguised as a Home Depot gift card again this Father's Day.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) June 17, 2018