20 Funny Posts for Some Midweek Laughs

My husband just walked in the door and saw a gift bag with red hearts all over it sitting on the table and I cannot make this up, said, “Is it someone’s birthday?”

— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) February 13, 2025

Gotta find someone you’re thermostatically compatible with. You can’t be a 74 dating a 62.

— Shannon (@gardengirl125) February 15, 2025

HUSBAND: I got the dog heart shaped cookies for Valentine’s Day.

ME: *through a mouthful of cookies* The dog?

— sixfootcandy (@sixfootcandy) February 14, 2019

Waitress: What would you like to eat?

My 12 yr old Asperger son: Hamburger plain and dry- nothing on it just meat, bun and bacon.

Waitress: How would you like that burger cooked?

12 yr old: Delicious

— 𝗦𝗵𝗼𝘄 𝗠𝗲 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗗𝗮𝘁𝗮 (@txsalth2o) February 15, 2025

nurse drawing my blood yelled "we have a fainter" like really loud before anything happened which bothered me but then i did faint so it was like okay nevermind fair

— Cass (@_casscore) June 10, 2024

Can it still be an emotional support animal if the animal doesn’t want to participate?? Asking for my cat.

— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) February 11, 2025

NO i dont want to make an account NO i dont want to download the app I want to feel the sun in my face i want to swim in a mountain stream

— sensory homunculette (@myfriendcallie) February 12, 2025

THRILLED to announce i did an Ironman this weekend! (attended 3 social gatherings in 3 days)

— kenzi (@kenzianidiot) February 11, 2025

Appliances always know when you’re getting a tax refund.

— Michelle 🍎 (@michelleDbelle) February 10, 2025

can you imagine how fast the curling athletes vacuum their house

— big content guy (@bigcontentguy) February 9, 2026

It doesn’t matter how bizarre your situation is. Somebody on Reddit already been there, done that.

— her all along. (@jayemonet) February 10, 2025

i don't need a man who will die for me, i need a man who will go to cvs at midnight to get me cold medicine.

— emily may (@emilykmay) February 10, 2025

I would pay extra for a dental hygienist who was comfortable with silence.

— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) February 11, 2025

My potassium is super low and apparently causing heart problems, so I have been prescribed a potato diet, and let me say, this is the best diet.

— Jessica Ellis (@baddestmamajama) June 11, 2024

having a sister in the medical field is so funny. she’s like “today i delivered a baby and assisted in a surgery that will fundamentally improve someone’s quality of life” and i’m like “i made a spreadsheet worse than how i found it”

— chase (@_chase_____) June 8, 2024

I wonder if my dry skin would clear up if I stopped taking showers hotter than the burning pits of hell.

I guess we’ll never know.

— Jennifer Parker (@Mrs_JParker) February 12, 2025

As a kid I used to be annoyed with my parents for being boring on Saturdays and just taking naps all afternoon but omg I get it now

— meghan (@deloisivete) February 15, 2025

My husband brought home a bouquet of mozzarella sticks resting in a baby vase of marinara. If this isn’t true love, I don’t know what is.

— sixfootcandy (@sixfootcandy) February 14, 2025

recipe: use two garlic cloves
me: no problem boss pic.twitter.com/pARYLJEJmG

— Roxy (@RoxyTall) February 15, 2025