Because the new year should always start with laughter, here are 20 funny posts to kick it off.
Wishing each and every one of you all the best in 2026!
Janene
#1
Shoutout to everyone who said they would start eating healthy in the new year and already decided to wait until
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) January 3, 2025
Monday.
#2
the bad guy in hallmark movies is a boyfriend who is like “uh no babe i cant drop everything + leave work this weekend im about to close a deal for ten million dollars that will set us up for life” and the good guy is a guy who is just standing there when she gets to her hometown
— owen cyclops (@owenbroadcast) November 4, 2022
#3
I bought 6 apples and without knowing, my gf bought 10 apples. She gave 3 away to our neighbor and honestly I didn’t think this sort of thing actually happened.
— Jason, ex Inferis (@benedictsred) June 8, 2024
#4
soft pretzels only come 2 ways:
— Dan Regan (@DanRegan_Comedy) April 2, 2024
– no salt
– enough salt to line a highway before a snowstorm
#5
Didn't realize my kid was a midwestern farmer in a past life until we drove by a cornfield and he muttered "sure is gettin' tall"
— meghan (@deloisivete) July 19, 2022
#6
wife: ugh here comes brad from my work
— brent (@murrman5) January 20, 2022
me: which one is he again?
wife: the guy that says things and you can never tell if it’s a compliment or insult
brad: well well well someone smells like muffin mix
#7
I’m at the stage in my life where I’ve realized that nothing lasts forever, except maybe marinara sauce stains on Tupperware.
— NicholasG (@Dad_At_Law) September 11, 2022
#8
I wish I had the free time of someone who leaves a positive Amazon review for a rake
— Jason Not Evil (@JasonNotEvil) September 29, 2022
#9
“Robots are going to take your job” yeah ok have you ever watched a roomba for even five seconds
— Jamie (@spacej_me) July 6, 2023
#10
My grandpa is on his third wife. The first, I called Nana. The second, I called Mawmaw. Look, I don’t have another cute name in me. That’s just Brenda.
— Jason, ex Inferis (@benedictsred) November 19, 2023
#11
My daughter told me there is a small get together at school on Friday.
— єℓαιηє (@elainesim28) September 10, 2024
I asked her, "How small?"
She replied,
"Just you, me, and the principal.
#12
three year old heard us talking about social security numbers. asked what his is. i said: ill tell you, but you cant tell anyone. he agreed. i told him his social security number is 9. twenty three minutes later he told the mailman.
— owen cyclops (@owenbroadcast) June 2, 2025
#13
A very nice patient on the elevator complimented me on “looking like Hugh Jackman” so my month was off to an awesome start before they exited on the ophthalmology floor
— Mark Lewis, MD, FASCO (@marklewismd) October 1, 2024
#14
Just heard someone turn down after-work plans because they have an avocado at home that’s about to go bad
— Max Lockie (@staphwriter) January 10, 2023
#15
The 5yo lost one of her toys and was looking all over the house and I finally found it and brought it up to her room and said “who’s the best mommy in the world?” and that kid looked me dead in the eye and said “grandma.”
— Dinah (@dinahaddie) February 5, 2023
#16
credit card chip machines are like:
— Sarah J. Hass (@tacko_belle) January 2, 2022
– DO NOT remove your card
– DO NOT – hey look at me – DO NOT remove your card
– take out your card immediately or I’m burning this place to the ground
#17
I always double-check our garage door is closed at night. I don’t want someone stealing all the stuff we’ve been trying to get rid of for years.
— McDad (@mcdadstuff) July 28, 2022
#18
#19
they’re just begging for a car chase pic.twitter.com/jp7X4O0vjO
— Uncle Duke (@UncleDuke1969) June 24, 2023
#20 This one made me burst out laughing!
brian was starting to think that maybe his mom wasn’t coming back pic.twitter.com/S8LtclvLXd
— Uncle Duke (@UncleDuke1969) April 12, 2022
