Just a little round-up of some funny posts to add some humor to your day!
Janene
#1
Was in Paris on Friday night and a handsome French man was flirting with me and I asked him what his name was and he said (very Frenchly) “Ah you will be disappointed” and I thought what a silly thing to say and then he said “it is Kevin” and you know what? I was disappointed.
— molly (@mollyEatsTofu) January 15, 2023
#2
My 10yo asked what the point of a phonebook was and as I explained it the room transformed into a prehistoric scene and a pterodactyl flew overhead.
— SpacedMom (@copymama) January 18, 2024
#3
Last weekend I took my kids to their first theme park. The logistics, money, hauling of all the things, lines…all ok because I wanted to do something special for them.
— Parenting Presently (@presentparent_) March 7, 2024
I also took them to a playground.
Then, because I must hate myself, I asked them which they liked better.
#4
Me: Would you get me 2 things?
— Late to the party Laura (@ericamorecambe) February 1, 2023
Husband: Send me a list.
#5
I just think it would be better for everyone if the people who make adhesive for maxi pads and the people who make adhesive for bookstore price stickers switched jobs
— Janel Comeau 🍁 (@VeryBadLlama) January 16, 2024
#6
Originally it was thought that it was our ability to love that made us human. However, it is now believed that it is our ability to pick out photos with traffic lights in them.
— Granite Man 🏴 (@GraniteDhuine) March 1, 2024
#7
Can someone explain recipe blogs to me?
— Courtney Ellis 🎈 (@courtneyellis) December 18, 2019
I mean, I just want to bake sugar cookies. I don't need 17 paragraphs on how when Great-Aunt Ginny found out she was ambidextrous in 1912 and the locusts came it helped you realize you should double the butter for best results.
#8
Told my kids they had to share a donut and they whipped out a ruler, protractor, scale, and magnifying glass
— floorboard (@StruggleDisplay) March 3, 2022
#9
my daughter just took such an epic nap she woke up and asked "am i still four?"
— todd dillard (@toddedillard) April 29, 2020
#10
[having size 9 shoes on paper]: completely normal, literally the average women’s size in the USA
— Janel Comeau 🍁 (@VeryBadLlama) September 13, 2022
[having size 9 shoes at the store]: greetings Amazonian giantess, we keep your enormous clodhoppers in the shed out back, lest they frighten the villagers
#11
My wife can eat one Reese's peanut butter cup, rewrap the other one and save it for later, so clearly I married a supernatural being.
— Dan Regan (@DanRegan_Comedy) January 29, 2024
#12
A good relationship is when she is by your side during bad times to tell you that none of this would've happened if you had just listened to her.
— Dudish (@TheRealDudish) May 21, 2023
#13
5: I need you to give me some money.
— dan (@dadopotamus) March 14, 2022
Me: Why?
5: Let me worry about that.
#14
Honestly I don’t think I have any more new passwords left in me. You wanna steal my identity? Go ahead, I hope you enjoy debt and terrible posture.
— Jonathan Edward Durham (@thisone0verhere) December 22, 2023
#15
I told my son he needed to clean his room and he said “maybe later, I have a headache.” I told him that was no excuse and heard my husband snort laugh from three rooms away.
— Sweet Momissa (@sweetmomissa) April 12, 2021
#16
Ahh, lovely bed. Closes eyes.
— Late to the party Laura (@ericamorecambe) April 13, 2024
Brain: I have never felt SO alive.
#17
Hate it when I flip my pillow over to the cool side and accidentally knock over my nightstand spaghetti and meatballs
— Nayele18 (@nayele18maybe) October 12, 2025
#18
no unfortunately i cannot give you directions around the city i have lived in my entire life
— Folly👄 (@wtffolly_) March 2, 2024
#19
Me watching a movie where the characters are involved in long action sequences: When’s the last time these people ate?
— SpacedMom (@copymama) April 22, 2024
#20
I just got a text from the hospital to confirm my appointment and let me know that they were changing it to a virtual visit.
— Sweet Momissa (@sweetmomissa) July 24, 2024
My appointment is for a colonoscopy.
#21
At no point do I ever need to be tagged with 99 others
— Auntie.Quotes (@auntie_quotes) November 4, 2023
#22
Driving tests should have a portion where a kid in the backseat just pummels you with rapid-fire questions while you try to merge.
— SpacedMom (@copymama) July 18, 2018
#23
Every time I call my mom in the morning I ask, "Did I wake you?" and she's always "God, no. I've been up since 2 AM and have cleaned the house, done the laundry, ironed my curtains, landscaped the yard and built a new sunroom."
— The Real Rodney Lacroix (@RealRodLacroix) April 5, 2024
#24
I wish rage burned calories I would be so skinny
— Nayele18 (@nayele18maybe) December 19, 2024
#25
