20 Funny Posts for Some Weekend Laughs

My daughter didn’t believe I could do a push up, so I dropped and knocked out 10 for her.

Doctor: And that’s the reason you’re here today?

— McDad (@mcdadstuff) February 21, 2024

Was complaining to my mom about my kids and she reminded me that the day I got my driver’s permit I ran over her foot on her birthday and I feel like she’s making this about her.

— @sherisayssit (@sherisayssit) January 31, 2024

My mom told my sister’s unemployed boyfriend “do not get in her car and recline the seat… Sit up so you can see who’s hiring”😂😂

— Dave (@tufdave) January 9, 2026

My 4-year-old is demanding I play a game with her but I don’t want to because the game is she holds my eyelids open and I try to blink

— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) February 2, 2024

Me: *parks the car*
My kid: *gets out, surveys the scene, sighs heavily*
Me: You are SEVEN.
Him: Yes, but when I learn to drive I will park much better than this.

— Courtney Ellis 🎈 (@courtneyellis) February 22, 2024

My kid cleaned the kitchen without being asked, and now we wait to see what she wants.

— krista (@kristabellerina) February 24, 2024

Amtrak guy scanned my ticket and I said “how are you” and his response was “only 23 years until retirement”

— rachel (@rachelmillman) October 11, 2023

Netflix needs to stop asking if I'm still watching and start asking if I moved the laundry to the dryer yet.

— mariana Z (@mariana057) November 7, 2023

“I love laying down when I haven’t laid down all day.”

– My son, 8, seeing into my very soul

— redyellowgreendance 💃🏻 (@RYGdance) February 16, 2024

I held the door for an old person today and he was like, “didn’t we go to high school together” and we did.

— Cooper Lawrence (@CooperLawrence) November 8, 2023

Some guy was staring at me relentlessly through the Dunkin’ Donuts front window. I put on my glasses to get a better look and realized it was a life-sized cardboard cut out, so I’ve got that going for me today.😂

— Just Gina (@GinaUrso) October 10, 2023

Being a parent is getting excited about hearing your favorite song come on the radio only for your 12y/o to ask…“Is this what you used to listen to on the Oregon Trail?”

— floorboard (@StruggleDisplay) February 27, 2024

I asked my 13-year-old what time I need to pick her up tonight. She told me to check the practice schedule she already gave me. That's the kid version of "as per my last email."

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 27, 2024

My closest encounter with the mafia is I went to a starkly empty pizza place in Rhode Island once, they seemed utterly confused that I wanted a pizza, it took 45 minutes to make, they gave it to me for free, and it was the best pizza I’d ever had.

— Jessica Ellis (@baddestmamajama) October 4, 2023

My daughter had a timeout this morning.

Husband said, “Alexa. Set timer for 1 minute.”

Toddler said, “Alexa. Turn it off.”

This doesn’t bode well for adolescence.

— Lauren Rissman (@DrRissman) February 9, 2024

My 6yo was watching the doordash driver on the map and yelling and cheering him on like we were at a horse race

— meghan (@deloisivete) February 9, 2024

"Have you considered living on campus?" I ask.

"For a school that's 30 minutes away? That's crazy." My 17 year old answers.

I eat my chili from a small ice cream bowl with an oversized serving spoon (because all of our dishes are in his room) as I stare sadly out the window.

— AlwaysAshley (@AshleyAlready) February 6, 2024

“I like mommy’s car better”

-My daughter in the backseat of my truck having to use a Home Depot receipt to wipe her nose.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) February 29, 2024

My 2yo: “I won’t do it again.”

Narrator: He did it again. Almost immediately.

— Mommeh Dearest (@mommeh_dearest) January 29, 2024

Apparently my 9yo daughter's imaginary friend is the ghost of an 8yo girl named Rose who died of the bubonic plague 200 years ago and I’m sure this is a completely normal developmental stage……..

— Lil Bit 🌈 (@LizerReal) February 24, 2024