Another week and and another round of funny and relatable tweets from parents!
Here are some of my favorite quips from this week.
Wishing you all a great weekend!
Janene
#1
Me: You can't wear that to school.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 21, 2023
10-year-old: Why not?
Me: It's not nice enough.
10: I've been going to school with these kids for years. It's too late to impress them.
#2
The thing about 4 year olds is no matter how tired they are, if they get an 86 second nap in a car it will be enough to fuel them for the next 48 hours.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) January 9, 2024
#3
While in the tumble dryer a pair of my knickers got stuck to the Velcro pocket on my son’s trousers and, when wearing the trousers, he didn’t notice until he’d walked to the bus stop, gone on the bus, and walked from the other stop to college. Only one of us thinks this is funny.
— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) January 6, 2023
#4
My son just had a small coffee DoorDashed to him so we just enrolled him in a money management course.
— The Real Rodney Lacroix (@RealRodLacroix) January 5, 2024
#5
My 4-year-old asked me what my name was when I was a kid and she was not ready for the wild coincidence when I told her I was also named Kristen as a child
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) January 12, 2024
#6
I’m on a business trip and I get this text from my husband, “I think the kids have hidden a hotdog in the house, but I can’t find it”
— mom mom mom mom mom (@notmythirdrodeo) February 9, 2023
#7
My 4 year-old learned how to spot an EXIT sign in preschool and her teacher told her she was really good at it so now she points out EXIT signs to people everywhere we go. It’s the cutest way I’ve seen anybody tell someone it was time for them to leave.
— NicholasG (@Dad_At_Law) January 9, 2024
#8
My daughter is sad because one of her preschool friends hasn’t been in school because he’s on vacation. I asked where he went and she said “he’s at the place where you can’t see the fox but the fox can see you” and I dunno I just feel like I’d need a vacation from that vacation.
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) January 10, 2024
#9
Me: Goodnight sweet girl.
— @sherisayssit (@sherisayssit) January 15, 2024
9: Tomorrow I need to dress like Martin Luther King Jr. for my biography.
#10
What do you want to be when you grow up?
— Daddy Go Fish (@daddygofish) January 6, 2024
other kids: firefighter, doctor, scientist…
my 9yo: I’m gonna sell my Pokémon cards on the streets of New York.
#11
My daughter, a law school graduate, passer of the bar exam and full grown attorney just showed me her multivitamin she’s been taking for months. She said, “I think I misunderstood this.” It says for Women 50+ and she thought the 50+ meant 50+ vitamins in each pill.
— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) January 23, 2024
#12
My 5yo says more words in one day than I have in my entire life
— Lottie-pop 🍭 (@Lottie_Poppie) January 7, 2024
#13
If anybody tried to break into my house, they’d trip on the shoes in front of the door and die
— who cares (@DianaG2772) January 18, 2025
#14
Me: Did you see the scissors that I had here?
— Be Kind Of Witty (@bekindofwitty) January 13, 2024
4: Maybe someone put them in my room so they could cut stuff.
#15
I’ve never committed a crime but I have changed my niece’s diaper in the public washroom while she screamed “YOU’RE NOT MY MOM”
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) January 10, 2024
#16
my 2yo officially has reached the milestone of climbing out of his crib. we discovered this when after bedtime, we heard his doorknob turn, and he proudly proclaimed, "hi!!!!!!!! i leave crib!!!!!!!"
— emily may (@emilykmay) January 12, 2024
#17
My 3yo watched Frozen while she was home for a snow day and said to me shortly after, “You can’t marry a man you just met” so let’s give a big round of applause to Disney for handling this important life lesson
— Parenting Presently (@presentparent_) January 18, 2024
#18
the school sent my 7yo home with a recorder and she is foregoing learning actual songs so she can “perfect her police and ambulance siren sounds” god help me
— Lil Bit 🌈 (@LizerReal) January 16, 2024
#19
My husband doesn’t see the hilarious irony that he sent our identical twins to school in matching sweatshirts that say, “Be Unique!” on the front and now I’m questioning who I married.
— Shit I tell my toddler (@Toddler_talkin) January 11, 2024
#20
Wind chill of -15 degrees which is why my son is wearing his slightly thicker shorts.
— The Real Rodney Lacroix (@RealRodLacroix) January 21, 2024
#21
My son is sick so his voice is all congested-sounding and he asked me for crepes for breakfast. So I googled a crepe recipe, made a crepe even though I never have before. Put it down in front of him and he was like “these are grapes?” He just wanted some grapes.
— jon drake (@DrakeGatsby) October 21, 2022
