25 of the Funniest Quips From Kids

Kids really do say the darndest things. I’ve worked with kids for most of my life and there is truly never a dull moment, especially with little ones.

Hope these give you some laughs!

Janene

#1

Just overheard my eight-year-old son tell the little boy who lives across the street, “You have to go now. I’ve hit my limit for being around other people today.”
— Rebecca Papin (@RebeccaPapin) July 16, 2023

#2

Told the kids they could have a dime for each toy they decided to part with.

Oldest kid has earned $3.00 and middle kid is counting individual Legos crowing, “I’M GONNA BE RICH!”
— Courtney Ellis 🎈 (@courtneyellis) May 31, 2023

#3

Me: Your shoes are on the wrong feet.
4yo: ..
Me: ..
4yo: ..
Me: ..
4yo: I don't have any other feet..
Me: Fair enough.
— StillGlamorus 🤍🪬 (@StillGlamorUs) September 21, 2012

#4

The first time my daughter met her Great Aunt she turned to me and moistly whispered “I thought it was weird that you called her great, but I see it now”
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) June 11, 2023

#5

Asked my 12 y/o daughter how her babysitting business was going and she said it’s tough when some people don’t even charge for their services.

“Grandparents are my biggest competitors.”
— NicholasG (@Dad_At_Law) November 29, 2023

#6

My 6yo was telling us about this girl from school who is kinda mean. In the middle of the convo, my 6yo, "she broke her arm in kindergarten because someone pushed her off the slide!" My 7yo without skipping a beat, "no wonder she went bad."
— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) October 2, 2023

#7

my 6yo discovered my husband and i dated other people before we married eachother and lets just say her world is now shook

"YOU'VE KISSED OTHER PEOPLE?!"
— Lil Bit 🌈 (@LizerReal) April 12, 2023

#8

4-year-old: Can I have some of your candy?

Wife: I got this for Mother's Day.

4: You're only a mom because of me.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 13, 2017

#9

Lady at the farmers market selling us a hay bale to decorate our yard: just so you know, it’s going to get your car really messy

My 3yo: That’s ok because our car is already really messy
— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) October 6, 2023

#10

Me: *hears a stealthy footstep in the hallway*

Me: "This is your third time up. Go back to bed."

7yo: *frantically* "Wait — wait Daddy –"

Me: "Whatever it is, tell me in the morning."

7yo: *gasp* "IfYouWereADolphinYou'dBeDeadAlready
BecauseDolphinsOnlyLiveThirtyYears."
— Josiah Hawthorne (@JosiahHawthorne) October 25, 2023

#11

My son was following me around being annoying. I turned around and asked what he wanted. He leaned in, "we've been trying to reach you about your car's extended warranty." No notes! Perfect performance.
— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) September 3, 2023

#12

Today the 8 year old told me she deliberately spelled a word wrong in the last round of the school spelling bee because “if you lose you get a piece of candy, but if you win you just get a boring medal”
— Amber Sparks (@ambernoelle) June 14, 2023

#13

A mom came into the library with her kids in a stroller.

As they strolled into the children’s section, her little girl started waving her arms in the air in excitement, singing, “Hello, library! Hello, books! I told you I’d be back!”

💚📚
— Mychal (@mychal3ts) January 27, 2023

#14

Two of my nephews call me Potatochip. One of them started kindergarten last week.

He was telling me a story from school. "Potatochip! Today in kindergarten – "

My sister said, "You know, Aunt Caitlin TEACHES kindergarten."

Nephew said, "Sorry. MISS Potatochip…"
— Caitlin 🚗 🧀 Driscoll (@TeacherOnTopic) September 8, 2023

#15

Me: The house is a disaster. We all need to clean.

8-year-old: Who's coming over?

Me: No one. We're cleaning for us.

8: But we already know we live like this.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 14, 2018

#16

Biggest argument of the day so far was when the 3-year-old gathered all the cheeses from the refrigerator and I had to wrestle them away from her while she screamed “IT’S FOR MY OBSTACLE COURSE”
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) February 3, 2023

#17

My 3 yo came home from pre-K one day and told me she was getting married to a boy in her class, Nick, the next day. I said that impossible bc Nick married Sally the day before. My daughter looks me straight in the eye completely serious and says “That was pretend. This is real”
— Ana Quirk Hunter (@AnaQuirkHunter) October 6, 2023

#18

Me: Did you brush your hair?

8-year-old: Yes.

Me: Can I check?

8: I'm too busy wearing this hood.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 19, 2023

#19

Told my kids I couldn’t find the hot cocoa powder to which my 4yo said, “maybe someone took it and hid it behind my bed” which is a suspiciously specific theory.
— Be Kind Of Witty (@bekindofwitty) October 27, 2023

#20

Took my 6 y/o daughter to a college football game and my dream of turning her into a fan quickly faded when she asked to go home in the first quarter because “we just watched this game on TV last week.”
— NicholasG (@Dad_At_Law) September 18, 2023

#21

Nephew has been doing a bit where when he gets on elevators with adults, in an attempt to fit in he’ll say “I didn’t get the promotion”
— Dan Sheehan (@ItsDanSheehan) August 20, 2023

#22

Sometimes having a toddler is difficult and sometimes as you’re pushing his stroller past a cluster of startled pigeons he casually says, “Don’t worry, birds, we’re not really giants.”
— Bess Kalb (@bessbell) June 11, 2023

#23

me: It’s important to tell your parents everything.

my 8yo: when mommy woke up this morning she looked 100 years old.

me: whatever you do don’t tell her that.
— Daddy Go Fish (@daddygofish) July 5, 2023

#24

My daughter just put herself in timeout in her room because she was “done hearing other people’s voice noise.”
— Mommy Owl (@Mommy__Owl) July 25, 2023

25 of the Funniest Quips From Kids

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#2

#3

#4

#5

#6

#7

#8

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#10

#11

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#13

#14

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#19

#20

#21

#22

#23

#24

#25

For more laughs from kids, check out: “Caught in the Act: 21 Hilarious Tweets About Kids Trying to Get Away With Mischief”

#1

#2

#3

#4

#5

#6

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#9

#10

#11

#12

#13

#14

#15

#16

#17

#18

#19

#20

#21

#22

#23

#24

#25

For more laughs from kids, check out: “Caught in the Act: 21 Hilarious Tweets About Kids Trying to Get Away With Mischief”

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