25 Funny Posts on Marriage and Parenting From "Daddy Go Fish"

There are so many funny parents on social media and I love sharing them with you all.

Today I’m featuring the very funny and relatable “Daddy Go Fish” whose quips about marriage and parenting are spot-on.

I’ve rounded up 25 of my favorite tweets from him…hope they bring you some smiles!

Janene

#1

8yo: daddy what’s your best talent?

me: hmm I don’t know, maybe being a dad?

8yo: no that’s not it
— Daddy Go Fish (@daddygofish) November 19, 2022

#2

Swiped my credit card at the gas pump but it said Please Pay Cashier Inside and I thought haha that’s so cute as I drove to another gas station.
— Daddy Go Fish (@daddygofish) July 20, 2021

#3

me: *enjoying my coffee

8yo: daddy why is there grey in your beard I thought that was only for grandpas?

me: *no longer enjoying my coffee
— Daddy Go Fish (@daddygofish) November 16, 2022

#4

Car trips with my wife are great ‘cause I get to listen to 10 seconds each of 400 songs she hates.
— Daddy Go Fish (@daddygofish) July 15, 2022

#5

me: a dozen is 12, but a baker’s dozen is 13.

my 8yo: that makes sense because there’s a kid at my school named Baker who’s bad at counting.
— Daddy Go Fish (@daddygofish) June 13, 2023

#6

Decided to liven up the scrambled eggs this morning by adding a little spinach. Follow me for more tips on how to ruin an 8yo’s life.
— Daddy Go Fish (@daddygofish) November 12, 2022

#7

My 7yo refused to tie his shoes so I joked that someday his wife would need to do it for him, and he responded by naming all the girls in his class that were really good at tying shoes.
— Daddy Go Fish (@daddygofish) September 27, 2022

#8

my 8yo’s friend came over wearing a Guns-n-Roses t-shirt

me: cool shirt, one of my favorite bands when I was younger

him: yeah it’s my grandma’s favorite band
— Daddy Go Fish (@daddygofish) June 26, 2023

#9

Marriage is amazing because you learn lots of things about yourself. For example, today I learned that my favorite shade of beige curtains is I DON’T CARE PLEASE JUST PICK ONE I’M IN HELL
— Daddy Go Fish (@daddygofish) November 15, 2022

#10

My wife had a dream that I have a secret second wife named Linda. Now when she's mad at me I just say "Linda wouldn't get mad about that."
— Daddy Go Fish (@daddygofish) January 21, 2025

#11

me: did you have fun on your playdate?

my 9yo: yes, but that was the wrong Logan. Next week can I have a playdate with the Logan who's my friend?
— Daddy Go Fish (@daddygofish) September 9, 2024

#12

Was enjoying playing legos with my son until my wife tapped me on the shoulder and said he went outside an hour ago.
— Daddy Go Fish (@daddygofish) February 9, 2022

#13

My son caught me eating a bag of chips that my wife didn't know about. One day you're young and free and the next you're paying hush money to a 10yo.
— Daddy Go Fish (@daddygofish) February 20, 2025

#14

my sister-in-law: I'm having a hard time finding happiness.

my 10yo: you should go to the corner store and get a blue slurpee.
— Daddy Go Fish (@daddygofish) April 9, 2025

#15

Playing ‘chef’ with my 7yo, he poured me an imaginary beer and said “the beer is always free here,” in case you’re looking for the best make-believe restaurant in town.
— Daddy Go Fish (@daddygofish) June 23, 2022

#16

My 7yo has three aunts. He calls them Auntie Ice Cream, Auntie Lego, and Auntie Pam. Time to step up your auntie game, Pam.
— Daddy Go Fish (@daddygofish) July 2, 2022

#17

Our wedding vows mentioned nothing about my mother-in-law staying with us as she recovers from knee surgery.
— Daddy Go Fish (@daddygofish) January 26, 2025

#18

At the grocery store but forgot my wife's list so I guess I'll just follow this other guy around and get what he gets.
— Daddy Go Fish (@daddygofish) September 30, 2024

#19

We ran into my wife’s close friend on our neighborhood walk which allowed me 45 minutes to stare at a fire hydrant.
— Daddy Go Fish (@daddygofish) March 1, 2024

#20

in today’s episode of ‘how strong is your marriage’ we take a trip to Home Depot to pick out a shade of white
— Daddy Go Fish (@daddygofish) April 12, 2023

#21

My son brought home a plant he grew in class so I guess I'm in charge of part 2 of the lesson which is how plants die.
— Daddy Go Fish (@daddygofish) February 5, 2026

#22

Guys night out, but it's just me and my neighbor rolling out our garbage bins at the same time.
— Daddy Go Fish (@daddygofish) September 28, 2024

#23

How about a drive-thru toy store where you buy a wrapped present on your way to a kid's bday party. I don't care what's inside.
— Daddy Go Fish (@daddygofish) January 25, 2026

#24

Me: I had my first big crush on a girl when I was your age.

My 11yo: wow do you think she's still alive?
— Daddy Go Fish (@daddygofish) February 3, 2026

#25

My wife asked me to buy a powerball ticket using our anniversary and we won because I got the date wrong.
— Daddy Go Fish (@daddygofish) February 20, 2026

You can followDaddy Go Fish on Twitter for more laughs!

For more laughs, check out 25 of the Funniest Tweets About Neighborhood Life

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