Today I’m sharing “Maryfairyboberry”, a funny and relatable account created by Mary Justice. Mary’s quips on marriage and mom life are spot-on, and often downright hilarious.
I’ve rounded up 20 of my favorite tweets by her…enjoy!
Janene
#1
By age 35 you should have
— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) December 18, 2023
– absolutely no idea why you came into the room
– no desire to be out past 8 pm
– an extensive collection of shopping bags and gift bags shoved into other shopping and gift bags
#2
At my baby shower years ago, someone told me I was having a best friend for life. This morning my daughter stole my mascara and told me I dress like Adam Sandler in case you’re wondering how that special friendship is progressing
— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) March 22, 2023
#3
I spent my time making a home cooked meal and placed it in front of the kids who immediately asked for something different and laughed. Then I laughed. Then we laughed. Then I spoke in a voice not of this world and everyone ate their damn dinner.
— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) January 4, 2022
#4
My teen- *with a mouthful of burger and fries* Must be nice to be an adult and do whatever you want
— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) November 3, 2022
Me- *picking at my salad and holding the bill*- Yeah, it’s been a real treat
#5
My teen spent the car ride to school explaining in great detail how he’s an adult now and wants everyone to recognize his independence. He also texted me at lunch to complain how the crusts weren’t removed from his sandwich
— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) September 14, 2022
#6
Legend states that when you’re overwhelmed and on the verge of a nervous breakdown, a small child will appear to tell you that you cut their sandwich wrong
— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) May 28, 2022
#7
I told my teen he’s slower than dial up and he asked me if that was a soap
— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) November 27, 2021
#8
Did you know that simply replacing your cup of coffee in the morning with a refreshing glass of water can leave you both hydrated and in a terrible mood for the rest of the day?
— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) September 29, 2021
#9
I used my husbands body wash and now I can’t stop checking the lawn and yelling for my keys
— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) May 25, 2021
#10
My son had to pick his towel up off the floor today. Apparently he’s forced to do everything around here.
— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) May 1, 2020
#11
13 just put on deodorant without being told so he must have a girlfriend now
— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) April 29, 2021
#12
Dads only want one thing and it’s to immediately collect the torn wrapping paper for their giant trash bags on Christmas morning
— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) December 20, 2021
#13
My favorite adult hack is when I carefully and thoughtfully put something very important away so I can’t lose it and then I never find it again
— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) September 13, 2022
#14
My husband just messaged to ask if I want him to bring home a pizza and I think this is what the youths call sexting
— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) March 24, 2022
#15
My husband just asked me, “is that really what you’re wearing?” and my daughter immediately answered, “I’ll get the shovel” from the other room so I think she’s ready for marriage.
— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) April 14, 2020
#16
What’s it like having a teenage boy? My son just ate a 50 piece bag of pizza rolls and is asking what’s for dinner
— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) June 18, 2023
#17
My husband is helping me relax by taking the kids to school this morning. We went over the drop off procedure 37 times and he just left without one of the kids.
— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) October 24, 2019
#18
Currently my toddler is crying because I won’t let him hit me with the mop
— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) September 26, 2021
#19
The most rewarding part of having a teenage daughter is having someone who looks exactly like you, acts just like you but who also finds everything about you absolutely repulsive
— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) September 12, 2022
#20
Why would I go see a scary movie when I can watch my husband using a metal spatula on my Teflon pan
— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) October 20, 2022
You can follow Mary on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram for more!
