Just a little round-up of some funny posts for some laughs today!
Janene
#1
<due to extenuating circumstances my 12-year-old had to accompany me to the hospital this weekend; as I got him settled in my office before rounds he heard a noise>
— Mark Lewis, MD, FASCO (@marklewismd) June 24, 2023
“Dad, what’s that weird sound? Is that a code blue?”
“No, son, that’s the fax machine”
#2 And that’s what you get for trying to explain Shakespeare to a 5-year-old, I guess, LOL…
5yo: What’s Romeo and Juliet?
— Stephanie Insley Hershinow (@S_Insley_H) June 19, 2023
Me: Well, it’s a story about two people who fell in love, and…
[2 parents, both English professors, one a Shakespearean, give a long and age-inappropriate synopsis]
5yo: Wow.
Me: Yeah. It’s sad.
5yo: Yeah. I can’t believe they FELL in LAVA!
#3
What’s it like having a teenage boy? My son just ate a 50 piece bag of pizza rolls and is asking what’s for dinner
— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) June 18, 2023
#4
Ok it starts at 9 so we need to be there by 8:45 which means we need to leave by 8:10 so we need to have breakfast by…and be ready by… which means we need to wake up at….
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) June 24, 2023
Shoutout to parents doing that backwards math this weekend
#5
I’m not sure I drank 5 glasses of water my whole childhood but I’m sitting here watching my 4yo drink LaCroix with frozen strawberries out of a tiny wine goblet while she watches cartoons.
— Meg St-Esprit (@MegStEsprit) June 24, 2023
#6
One day I will be able to wash a ladle and not end up covered in water, but today is not that day
— mom mom mom mom mom (@notmythirdrodeo) November 2, 2022
#7
My husband tried to drop me off at my parents’ house when we were driving back from the airport after our honeymoon bc he had forgotten that we were, in fact, married and now lived in the same house.
— emily may (@emilykmay) August 24, 2023
#8 Kids are brutal LOL…
Me to my kid’s tiny friend: what you drawing there?
— Maddy ☃️❄️ (@MadHatterMommy) June 23, 2023
him: a story
Me: who’s that girl?
Him: a villain
Me: her glasses look like mine
Him: also her dress and shoes
Me:
#9
“Quick and easy meal for when you’re feeling lazy!”
— Malowé (@pmxlxisane) June 22, 2023
Then they chop an onion. Please man.
#10
Everyone has their talents. Mine is picking the grocery store checkout line filled with people who apparently have never gone through a grocery store checkout line before in their life.
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) December 13, 2023
#11
Thought I blew my kids' minds when I told them about smoking/non-smoking restaurant sections but then my 8yo casually shrugged and said, "You could do anything in the 80's"
— Lil Bit 🌈 (@LizerReal) June 27, 2023
#12
Me: Why isn’t the water working?
— OyVeyLady (@OyVeyLady) June 22, 2023
Kid:
Me:
Kid:
Me:
Kid: I shut it off to practice being a plumber
Me: There it is
#13
last night i went out to dinner w a bunch of friends and the waitress asked if anyone at the table had any allergies and my friend very seriously said “oh yes, cats”
— kim (@KimmyMonte) June 24, 2023
#14
I cut a bagel for us to share, would you prefer the side that's essentially a razor-thin cracker or the side that's essentially a whole bagel
— Melvin of York (@MelvinofYork) December 28, 2019
#15
The iPhone alarm is so effective that you wake up before it goes off so you don't have to listen to such an unbearable noise
— J R ❤️🔥 (@ResilienceX3) March 12, 2025
#16
I opened a new box of cereal before finishing the old one.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 23, 2023
My wife hasn't noticed yet.
I'm living on borrowed time.
#17
My kid is supposed to be in a wedding this weekend, so he's cut off a chunk of his own hair right on schedule
— meghan (@deloisivete) December 7, 2022
#18
my mom only remembers my childhood friends based on the perceived slights they committed against her 15 years ago. I’ll mention a name and she’ll just be like “ah yes, the one with the MUDDY SHOES.”
— Robert Schultz (@_RobertSchultz) August 17, 2021
#19
“no one remembers the weird thing you said at that party” actually the weird thing you said has become a sacred inside joke that bonded several people at that party together forever
— trash jones (@jzux) June 5, 2023
#20 I love when kids make up names for things (I have a whole post about it below!)
3 was talking about a “farmercycle” this morning. We figured out she was referring to a tractor, but I think we’ll be calling them farmercycles from here on out?
— Parenting Presently (@presentparent_) June 23, 2023
