Just a quick little round-up of some funny posts for some laughs today.
Hope these bring you some smiles!
Janene
#1
My freshman year roommate sat me down Day 1 and was like “Heads up: I’ll be bringing lots of girls and maybe even some guys to the dorm this year so, if that scares you, grow up cuz this ain’t high school!”
— Robert Schultz (@_RobertSchultz) July 9, 2020
Anyway, he brought one girl back the whole year and now they’re married.
#2
Asked my 5-yo to clean her room multiple times today. She assured me she did. I went in: literally nothing had changed. “In what world,” I asked, “is this a clean room?”
— Katie Gutierrez (@katie_gutz) August 2, 2023
She looked me dead in the eye. “In a TRASH world.”
#3
When they ask who wants to say a few words at a wedding reception and your kid raises their hand, always check what they're about to say before you let them. My kid was about to ask 300 strangers for the Wi-Fi password. An important question, sure, but maybe not toast-worthy.
— The Dad (@thedad) July 19, 2023
#4
“can you explain the gaps in your resume?” yes that was when I worked really weird jobs that I don’t want you to know about
— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) April 18, 2023
#5
There may be no better conversationalist on earth than a small child who doesn’t want to go to sleep.
— Shematologist, MD (@acweyand) August 19, 2023
#6
I need something stronger than sleep but less than a coma.
— One Awkward Mom (@oneawkwardmom) July 17, 2023
#7
I just got an invite for my daughter’s friend’s half-birthday party, and it would be really cool if that mom could climb back up that slippery slope before she takes us all down with her.
— SpacedMom (@copymama) July 14, 2023
#8
Husband trained 5 well. Every time we have rain, she stands at the window with her hands on her hips and says, “we really needed this.”
— Mummy Dear (@ThatMummyLife) July 20, 2023
#9
8yo overheard me talking about getting laser eye surgery and got scared that I could shoot her with my eyes when I get mad. I don’t think I’m going to correct her.
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) August 7, 2023
#10
The 5-year-old has been limping around with a leg injury all morning and I would feel bad for her except the injury is “a fox bit her in her dream”
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) August 5, 2023
#11
Spelling words to your spouse to hide things from your kids is great until you get to M&Ms.
— mom mom mom mom mom (@notmythirdrodeo) July 19, 2023
#12
I love an ellipsis… makes people think that I’m up to something…
— michaela okland (@MichaelaOkla) July 19, 2023
#13
I asked my husband for help putting the laundry away so naturally he’s across the house hanging shelves I asked him to hang 8 months ago.
— One Awkward Mom (@oneawkwardmom) July 19, 2023
#14
One time my son was playing “store” in a hotel room we were in. I came out of the shower and he had taken every bottle out of the minibar and stacked them in rows on the floor. “What can I get ya?” he asked. It was a Vegas room with motion sensored monitors. I almost fainted.
— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) July 14, 2023
#15
Just overheard my eight-year-old son tell the little boy who lives across the street, “You have to go now. I’ve hit my limit for being around other people today.”
— Rebecca Papin (@RebeccaPapin) July 16, 2023
#16
me at 16: i am going to be so successful when i grow up
— trash jones (@jzux) July 12, 2023
me now: maybe someday i will have enough energy to start a hobby
#17
*road trip*
— meghan (@deloisivete) July 16, 2023
husband, day 1: absolutely no eating in the car
husband, day 4: *handing brisket to the kids in the backseat*
#18
Me: *Driving 3 mph over the speed limit
— McDad (@mcdadstuff) July 17, 2023
My 15 yr old: You’re breaking the law right now
#19
#20
Passport worker – We're gonna need the baby to sit on the chair for the photo.
— Yair Menchel (@yairmenchel) July 20, 2023
Dad – She won't let me put her down.
Passport worker – You're gonna need to figure something out if you want a passport picture.
Dad – I got an idea… pic.twitter.com/cx9sm5EsBl
