25 Funny Tweets That Capture Friendship Better Than Any Hallmark Card

I met a friend for coffee yesterday morning. It was just 10:30 and he told me he had already gone for a run, fixed the dishwasher, and cleaned out the garage. So I'm looking for a new friend. Someone I can relate to more.

— Jew in a Canoe ✡️🇨🇦 memoir now available! (@WillieHandler) March 31, 2024

One of my longest serving friends has had a baby and tomorrow I get to meet the baby and I hope me and the baby get on because I imagine it would be difficult for my friend to choose between me and the baby, like she’s only know the baby three weeks so it doesn’t stand a chance

— Mollie Goodfellow (@hansmollman) August 31, 2023

it sucks that the only way to become someone’s best friend in adulthood is by defeating their childhood best friend in a trial by combat

— chase (@_chase_____) June 25, 2024

My friend told me that I'm the most put together mom she knows, which is kind of funny because I just found shredded cheese in my cleavage.

— KJ (@IDontSpeakWhine) March 2, 2022

i want more "run errands with me" friends. no i do not want to spend $85 on a dinner to catch up. but i will go to costco and an estate sale with you and then some tacos

— arabelle sicardi 英梅 (@arabellesicardi) September 30, 2022

Everyone needs a friend who they probably shouldn't be allowed to sit next to at a serious function.

— Jenny_Lamehouse (@JLamehouse) June 2, 2022

I like to have two conversations going with the same friend at the same time – one on Instagram and one over text and they must be kept separate

— Sarah J. Hass (@tacko_belle) August 30, 2022

I LOVE those type of friends that u can literally go agesss without seeing or even speaking to them but u are still close n whenever u see them it’s like u have never been apart ☝🏽☝🏽 that’s true friendship n friends for life right there

— abi dickson (@abidickson01) September 5, 2018

All I need is a friend who says they are on their way over so I find motivation to clean-up in a panic but then they cancel leaving me alone in a cleaner house.

— Cydni Beer (@cydbeer) May 3, 2019

We ran into my wife’s close friend on our neighborhood walk which allowed me 45 minutes to stare at a fire hydrant.

— Daddy Go Fish (@daddygofish) March 1, 2024

One of those leashes parents use for kids but it’s to make sure my friend doesn’t leave me alone at a party

— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) June 13, 2024

Being an adult means you have a total of 3 friends and they all live in different parts of the country and periodically you just send each other videos of weird dogs and say “this made me think of you”

— Ally (@TragicAllyHere) October 5, 2020

you know the restaurant is good when your friend gets back from the bathroom like “you NEED to go in there”

— chase (@_chase_____) May 3, 2023

I have a lot of great friends but when I text my friend Megan “So sorry we are running late to your daughter’s party” only she will reply “We are also running late to her party…”

Everyone needs a friend like Megan

— Cydni Beer (@cydbeer) October 4, 2019

Do we all have that friend that when you go out with them it feels like they’re a local politician who knows everyone on earth and you’re their weird mute friend who just left the house for the first time in 8 years and is learning to smile again

— caitie delaney (@caitiedelaney) March 4, 2023

Everyone has that one friend that helps you get meaner

— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) December 7, 2023

why do my friends drive like we have extra lives

— Shafeeq (@Y2SHAF) October 8, 2019

Has your extrovert friend forced you to interact with total strangers?? If so, you may be entitled to compensation

— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) August 26, 2024

friendship is beautiful because the closer you are, the less you do when you’re together. there is nothing more sacred than the “let’s watch 3 bad movies in a row” friend

— trash jones (@jzux) January 30, 2022

true friendship is when you have the most boring conversation of all time but you love them so you genuinely want to know how many carrots they ate today

— ellie schnitt (@holy_schnitt) June 12, 2022

my best friend looked so gorgeous today omg. I didn’t see her but I know she did

— reb (@rebmasel) July 21, 2024

everyone in a friend group has their own little role, and i’m proud to be the one who always thinks everyone should quit their job

— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) May 9, 2022

Picked my kid up from a playdate at a pristine home and the mom said “excuse the mess” so I guess that’s the end of that friendship.

— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) November 15, 2023