Top 20 Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week

Parents be like, “Here’s 4 boxes of your old elementary school work you left at the house.”

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) November 1, 2022

Just when I’ve finally gotten everything cleaned and put in the dishwasher, my kid comes marching in with her museum collection of dishes and cups

— McDad (@mcdadstuff) November 1, 2022

when you get older 45% of sleeping is laying in bed and deciding whether to get up and pee or try to fall back asleep

— 🤷‍♂️🌜Dad Moon Rising🌛🤷‍♂️ (@raoulvilla) November 1, 2022

“nothing tastes as good as skinny feels” ok you’ve obviously never had a chocolate croissant

— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) November 1, 2022

The adult version of the floor is lava is if you get off the couch someone is going to ask you to get something.

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) November 2, 2022

My husband listens to me like he doesn’t realize there’s going to be a quiz later.

— Darla (@ddsmidt) November 3, 2022

Reminded my daughter to bring her trick or treat bag with her. She said, "I don't need one. I'm just going to eat the candy as they hand it to me." If that's not the Halloween spirit I don't know what is.

— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) October 31, 2022

My house could be 99% tile and my kid would still barf directly onto the rug.

— Marl (@Marlebean) November 2, 2022

Our youngest made her own grilled cheese and, long story short, did you know that bread is flammable?

— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) November 1, 2022

Wife- I need to clean.

Me- I can clean, let me do it.

Wife- No I want this place actually clean, not fake clean.

— Dadof2Boys (@Dadof2crazyboys) November 2, 2022

My kids and I play this fun game where I wake up early to enjoy a coffee alone and they wake up earlier to make sure that I don’t

— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) November 2, 2022

We have now been a cereal in clear containers family for over a month and it really does feel nice to be better than everyone.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) October 29, 2022

“Stop looking at your phone so you can look at what I’m trying to show you on my phone.”

~marriage

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) October 29, 2022

A horror movie but it’s just a married couple trying to work from home and one of them is chewing

— Anna (@AnnaDoesntWant2) October 29, 2022

One day I will be able to wash a ladle and not end up covered in water, but today is not that day

— mom mom mom mom mom (@notmythirdrodeo) November 2, 2022

Husband: What should we do today?
Me: It’s up to you.
Husband: Beach?
Me: No.
Husband: Movie?
Me: No.
Husband: Museum?
Me: No.
Husband: Then what do you want to do?
Me: I don’t care. You choose.

— Jawbreaker (@sixfootcandy) November 4, 2022

I told 5 I was trying out a new recipe for dinner. She put her head in her hands, said “oh man this isn’t going to end well” and walked off with a box of cereal

— MumInBits (@MumInBits) November 2, 2022

Husband: It’s so weird that the kids didn’t get any Twix or Reece’s Peanut Butter Cups for Halloween.

Me: *wipes the chocolate from my mouth* So weird.

— Jawbreaker (@sixfootcandy) November 1, 2022

My teen- *with a mouthful of burger and fries* Must be nice to be an adult and do whatever you want
Me- *picking at my salad and holding the bill*- Yeah, it’s been a real treat

— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻‍♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) November 3, 2022

After we turn the clocks back this weekend… pic.twitter.com/ea2U0ycPkS

— Hedger Humor (@adriennehedger) November 2, 2022

My kid just learned “uh oh spaghettios” but he keeps forgetting and is yelling “oh no noodles” instead

— meghan (@deloisivete) November 1, 2022