Another week and and another round of funny and relatable tweets from parents!
Here are some of my favorite quips from this week.
Wishing you all a great weekend!
Janene
#1
The 17 YO asked for unshelled peanuts 2 weeks ago. I bought them and asked zero questions.
— Medic Kim (@medickimw) May 11, 2024
He’s now trained 2 crows.
I probably should’ve asked questions…
#2
Attempting to play football in the park with my kids when a random boy shouts out “your mum isn’t very good at football”…
— Neena Jha (@DrNeenaJha) May 12, 2024
My kids responses?
Kid 1: She’s trying her best & she’s never had a football lesson in her life!
Kid 2: (loudly) And she’s on her period!!
😳
#3
Six-year-old: “Dad, do you have $100?”
— Austen Allred (@Austen) May 13, 2024
Me: “…Yes.”
Six-year-old: “That means between your $100 and my $4 we can buy a water slide!”
#4
me: *tells my 6yo his full birthdate*
— meghan (@deloisivete) May 13, 2024
6yo: how do you even know that
me:
#5
I just played 3 different board games with my 8yo and he won 3-0. I told him I never "let" him beat me because as a parent I want my children to learn how to lose. "Maybe you should learn how to win" he says
— sarah (@sarahradz_) May 11, 2024
#6
Today’s sports rankings
— Courtney Ellis 🎈 (@courtneyellis) May 12, 2024
Oldest kid: won his game
Middle kid: win his game
5yo: Lost her game but didn’t notice, so we’re calling that a win
5: WHAT IS IT OVER OR SOMETHING? WHO IS GIVING OUT SNACK?
#7
Tonight I discovered that my daughter, who is 17, has lived her whole life believing that the name of the singer of The Rolling Stones is McJagger.
— Oliver Jones (@oliverjones) May 16, 2024
#8
Someone asked my daughter if she had a hobby and her answer was “just sitting”
— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) May 14, 2024
#9
I asked my 8yo if he liked my sleeveless blouse, he said "the color's fine, but I don't like public armpits" 😭 Public. Armpits. It's going straight to Goodwill
— sarah (@sarahradz_) May 13, 2024
#10
You should have a four-year-old so they can interrupt you in the middle of work and ask you questions like, “are you having a good life?”
— Lindsay Fickas (@lindsayfickas) May 14, 2024
#11
My 19yo son who has a job, goes to college and bought his own car, thought I was going to stay home from work today to take care of him because he is down with a cold.
— your other mom (@difficultpatty) May 14, 2024
#12
In the kitchen with my apron on, my 4yo came in and said, "Your cape is on backwards." I still have to make dinner, but at least now I feel like a superhero.
— Annie Way (@Anniewritess) May 13, 2024
#13
cicadas have taken over Nashville and my coworker told me about his 4yo daughter who, on her way in to the YMCA, picked a bunch up in her hands, walked in, twirled up to the front desk, and said to the attendants “hello ladies. do any of you want to see some cicadas?” I’m howling
— juliAn (@oigevalt) May 15, 2024
#14
5yo: THERE IS A RATTLESNAKE IN THE GARDEN!
— Courtney Ellis 🎈 (@courtneyellis) May 16, 2024
Me: There's a WHAT? Where?!
5yo: *shrugs* MIGHT HAVE BEEN THE HOSE. NOT SURE.
#15
So my kids, being kids, don’t always get along, but my 7yo wrote his first ‘book’ (10 chapters, 600ish words) & my 6yo has now read it three times, keeps telling his brother how much he liked it, & asking when the second book will be done.
— Hayley Reese Chow (@HayleyReeseChow) May 15, 2024
And just, you all, my heart. 😭
#16
Walking in the woods, 4-year-old asked if I would carry her armful of rocks. I said no. She asked if I would carry her sweatshirt. I said yes. She handed me her sweatshirt (filled with rocks).
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) May 13, 2024
#17
My kid lovingly posted a “Do Not Disturb- Let Mom Sleep” sign on my door last night and then opened that door every five minutes this morning to see if I was awake yet in case you were wondering what Mother’s Day is really like.
— mom mom mom mom mom (@notmythirdrodeo) May 12, 2024
#18
I told my 4yo I needed a break today and went to my room. He comes in about 5 mins later and says, "Are you still on your break?" And I tell him yes.
— Melissa Ruth Rotert–ARC reader slots open! (@OnPunsnNeedles) May 16, 2024
Then he says, "Oh, good. I'm on my break too. We can be on break together. I've had enough of Daddy today."
#19
my 5yo asked me the other day if he’ll go to jail if he prints money, and i was going to schedule a meeting with his teachers, then realized today he meant this pic.twitter.com/iIL8CYvfmj
— 🍩 Bunty Brown 🍩 (@BuntyTwoPointOh) May 12, 2024
#20
my parents bought my children this inflatable from Sam’s Club… it’s huge, we have no room for this but the bigger question at hand- WHOSE PARENTS ARE THESE BECAUSE AINT NO WAY THEY ARE THE SAME PARENTS I HAD AS A KID pic.twitter.com/P4hFtJmCsK
— Kayla, MD (@kaylamellis_) May 12, 2024
And last but not least, my favorite video this week of a little girl who clearly is going to grow up and change the world LOL…
For all you followers who don’t live in England and think that they all talk like characters in a Hugh Grant movie. This kid. pic.twitter.com/fy6MfCxhOm
— Tim Brannigan (@tim_brannigan) May 16, 2024
