20 of the Best Quips From Women This Week

in a relationship you either work the front of house (lock the door at night) or the back of house (ask if the door is locked while you’re already tucked under the covers in bed)

— chase (@_chase_____) November 24, 2024

I haven’t bought 1 Christmas gift but I got 3 packages on the way for me though

— Hustlanani (@hustlanani) November 24, 2024

today i saw a group of 15 teenage boys hanging out after school in the whole foods cafe and every single one of them was eating their own personal rotisserie chicken

— nadine x (@fakenadine) November 28, 2024

“Do you feel like you’re prettier in person or in pictures?”

Me: Well, I’d say I’m funny

— Ghostface Kryllah (@kryzazzy) November 25, 2024

According to my chocolate advent calendar tomorrow is Christmas.

— Kristen (@Kica333) November 27, 2024

every year, thanksgiving is just a reminder that I cannot be left alone with french onion dip

— ellie schnitt (@holy_schnitt) November 28, 2024

Nothing prepares you for the first time you find out someone your own age is a grandparent

— meghan (@deloisivete) November 27, 2024

It’s finally the most wonderful time of the year, when I can eat whatever I want for two months and just say, “It’s the holidays!”

— sixfootcandy (@sixfootcandy) November 26, 2024

The cashier told me I had picked out some fun cheeses, so not to brag but I'm pretty sure I got an A+ in grocery shopping

— meghan (@deloisivete) November 26, 2024

French husband told me that this is “probably enough butter to make Thanksgiving dinner” and I think I am probably required by French law to report him to the nearest embassy pic.twitter.com/QT96nQezuo

— Janel Comeau (@VeryBadLlama) November 25, 2024

Me: I’m an intelligent, educated and well-read woman

Also me: *needs to sing the alphabet song in my head to remember what letter comes after H*

— Ghostface Kryllah (@kryzazzy) November 25, 2024

always very funny to me when people get all dressed up for thanksgiving. you’re going to stand around your nana’s house do we really need to be doing business casual here

— ellie schnitt (@holy_schnitt) November 28, 2024

My husband bought 3 bottles of fancy wine to take to my parent’s house tomorrow so anyway long story short we are bringing 1 bottle of fancy wine to my parent’s house tomorrow.

— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) November 28, 2024

I used to know all my friends’ phone numbers by heart and now I can’t walk into a room without saying “what was I gonna do in here”

— Sarah J. Hass (@tacko_belle) November 28, 2024

Managing your weight around Christmas just requires a little planning.

For example, I took the batteries out of my scale on Wednesday.

— єℓαιηє (@elainesim28) November 29, 2024

When I was a kid, I thought one of the lines in "My Favorite Things" was "𝐰𝐡𝐢𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬 on kittens", and the thought of holding a silky soft kitten up to my face and whispering to it about how it was adorable and precious was just an absolute delight.

— Helleanor Rigby (@Mom_Overboard) November 24, 2024

My sister one year got the entire family tix for the Blue Man Group for Xmas and when it started my dad yelled out "what the hell is this shit"

— Marisa Baldassaro (@Nerdspringbreak) November 24, 2024

if we are enemies do not read this. macys is having their annual sale where they sell all their 120+ dollar comforters for only 20$ even if its a king sized comforter its 20$ on their website. and you can have them ship it to the store 4 free

— madi magdalene  (@hottropica) November 23, 2024