25 of the Funniest Quips From Parents This Week

I pulled everything out of my junk drawer to organize it and well, I guess we are officially a junk countertop family now.

— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) May 30, 2025

2025 Parents: decorate cars and wait for hours to have a parade to pick up their 2nd grader on the last day of school.

1988 Parents: why aren’t you at school? Did you miss the bus? Me: school ended last week.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) May 28, 2025

Therapist: Have you been practicing self care?

Me: I hid in the closet to eat a donut so I wouldn’t have to share.

Therapist: *nods approvingly*

— One Awkward Mom (@oneawkwardmom) May 26, 2025

You wouldn’t think that one 30-minute practice a week would be enough to hone 50 novice elementary school musicians into a finely-tuned orchestra, and you would be right.

— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) May 28, 2025

On the way to work and my wife calls.

*Answer the phone*

It’s my 5 year old.

“Dad what’s your favorite turtle?”

Me: “Alligator Snapping Turtle.”

Son: “okay.”

*click*

— John Slaughter, Esq. (@JSlaughterEsq) May 28, 2025