25 of the Funniest Quips From Parents This Week

My kids have been jumping on the bed, throwing couch cushions, and slamming kitchen cabinets for the past hour. Normally I'd intervene, but frankly this is between them and the staff at IKEA.

— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) February 22, 2025

9yo: I'm not grounded, you're grounded

me, goes in room and closes door: this is amazing

— meghan (@deloisivete) February 20, 2025

My son caught me eating a bag of chips that my wife didn't know about. One day you're young and free and the next you're paying hush money to a 10yo.

— Daddy Go Fish (@daddygofish) February 20, 2025

a toddler in their “why” phase makes you realize how little you know

— MEG (@Jxxtlucky) February 23, 2025

I’m a mom of 3 and the truth is I DO have a favorite child. It’s my 5YO nephew who guessed I was turning 26 on my 43rd birthday.

— Not the Nanny (@not_thenanny) February 21, 2025

Sorry I was late. The app that I’ve been automatically logged into for months was asking for my password

— McDad (@mcdadstuff) February 20, 2025

me: I grew up in the 80s.

my 10yo: ooh we learned about 1880 in school. Did you have a horse?!

— Daddy Go Fish (@daddygofish) February 18, 2025

My kid asked me to make him a birthday cake today. His bday is in July but I can't say no to cake.

— JC (@Tattoos_n_Boots) February 22, 2025

Discovered my 7yo has a can of pringles under his pillow in case he gets hungry during the middle of the night and now he's my life coach

— meghan (@deloisivete) February 21, 2025

Watching a movie and they're like, "It's a boy!" and then they hand the mother a clean, chubby 3 month old lol

— Kelly (@throeingit) February 22, 2025

I approach my teen like I’d approach a wild animal: cautious, speak softly, no sudden movements, throw food at them and run

— Mommy Needs a Life (@momneedsalife3) February 17, 2025

I don't wanna be dramatic but the work week continuously restarting is literally ruining my life.

— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) February 17, 2025

One of my favorite things to do is read a book, watch the film adaptation and then piss myself off

— Mom Jeans (@momjeansplease) February 22, 2025

My wife told my son to stop drinking his water so loudly last night and when he looked at me I was like sorry bud it only gets worse from here.

— Dad Named Matt 🇺🇸 (@mahnamematt) February 18, 2025

3yo: Mommy I hit my head.

Me: *head kisses*. Better?

Her: No but you’re a nice mommy *walks away*

💀💀💀

— Princess | Mindfulness | Conscious Parenting (@themultiplemom) February 22, 2025

I wonder how many times Mary and Joseph were late for temple because toddler Jesus wanted to do his sandal straps all by himself?

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) February 23, 2025

8yo, curious about sex: where do you do it?

me: uh, [preparing to draw a diagram]

8yo: like is there a place you go, like a special doctor's office,

— once and future wife geist (@wife_geist) February 19, 2025

When you ask a 3 year old if you can have a little bit of their kinder egg. pic.twitter.com/wnppkCSEpN

— Mr G (@DeputyGrocott) February 21, 2025