Happy New Year everyone! Wishing you all the best in 2026.
I’ve rounded up some funny posts about New Year’s resolutions…let’s start the year off with a few laughs!
Janene
#1
Me: Do you have any New Years resolutions?
— sixfootcandy (@sixfootcandy) December 27, 2019
Husband: I can’t really think of anything.
Me: *hands him a list*
#2
Had a talk with the kids at dinner about New Year’s resolutions but I guess the 6yo doesn’t quite grasp the concept because she went around the table and told each of us what SHE thinks WE should do better and…..you guys I think she might be onto something.
— Dinah (@dinahaddie) January 2, 2024
#3
My new years resolution is to not eat an oreo every time i walk into the kitchen
— Natalie Mariduena (@natalinanoel) January 1, 2020
#4
I hope my neighbor’s New Years resolution is to throw out the pumpkin on their porch.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) December 30, 2020
#5
9yo: What’s a New Year’s resolution?
— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) January 1, 2024
Me: A change you want to make for the new year. Like reading more or spending less time on the iPad.
9yo: Oh OK! My New Year’s resolution will be to spend less time at school.
#6
If anyone asks what your New Year's resolution is, say it's to spend less time making awkward small talk.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 4, 2017
Then walk away.
#7
New year, new me *finally fixes that plate thing in the microwave so it rotates*
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) December 31, 2017
#8
new years resolutions are fine but this year I’m doing new years suggestions. that’s where i say what everyone ELSE should do this year
— trash jones (@jzux) December 28, 2023
#9
A lot of people are exercising for their New Year's resolution.
— Dan Regan (@DanRegan_Comedy) January 7, 2022
I'm watching a show I don't like because the remote fell on the floor.
#10
Not to brag, but I can undo all of my New Year’s resolutions in one weekend.
— your other mom (@difficultpatty) January 23, 2024
#11
UPDATE: My wife's resolution to yell at the kids less has just taken a very bad turn.
— The Real Rodney Lacroix (@RealRodLacroix) January 1, 2020
#12
hi friends- for the new year I’m taking a break from life so I can focus on social media. if you need me you can find me here, constantly
— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) December 31, 2023
#13
New Year, New Me! Just kidding. I’m fairly certain I’ll remain overweight and continue to make bad decisions.
— Mommy Needs a Life (@momneedsalife3) January 1, 2022
#14
Wife: Your resolution this year should be to listen to me better.
— The Real Rodney Lacroix (@RealRodLacroix) December 31, 2020
Me: Bacon would be great, thanks.
#15
I overheard someone at Target saying that her goal in the new year was to eat more carbs and honestly I’m just tweeting this because I need to find her so that we can be best friends.
— Jenna S. (@Thatmidwestmom) January 2, 2023
#16
my new year’s resolution is to have healthier thought patterns bc as of right now someone can text me “ok” instead of “ok!” & i’ll be in my head assuming they hate me and are praying for my untimely demise
— ellie schnitt (@holy_schnitt) December 28, 2018
#17
I personally have no need for a resolution, but I think you should take a hard look under your refrigerator.
— Myrna Tellingheusen (@PearlsFromMyrna) December 31, 2018
#18
Just told 10 he needs to shower tonight & he said, “Ok. Showering is one of my New Year’s Resolutions.”
— Unfiltered Mama 💗✌️ (@UnfilteredMama) January 2, 2020
🤦♀️
#19
Don’t post your New Year’s resolutions to social media. Two months from now, when you’re elbow deep in a bag of Cheetos, you don’t need anyone asking you how marathon training is going.
— Not the Nanny (@not_thenanny) December 31, 2022
#20
New Year’s Resolution: stop putting lol after every text I send.. lol
— Gabi Geoia (@gabi_geoia) December 29, 2017
#21
My New Years resolution is to try and put less than 4 chapsticks through the washer & dryer next year.
— Shawn Booth (@Shawn_Booth) December 27, 2016
#22
My New Year’s resolution is to pet more dogs and ignore more people.
— Lindsay (@Rollinintheseat) December 29, 2023
#23
My husband and I play a risky game where we get to make one New Year’s resolution for each other every year.
— Mumnipotent Ruler (@MumOfTw0) December 31, 2022
#24
My New Year’s resolution is to find the strength to close all my browser tabs.
— Jennifer Parker (@Mrs_JParker) December 31, 2023
#25
8-year-old: Time for a New Year's revolution.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 4, 2019
Me: You mean "resolution."
8:
Clearly she did not.
