The women of Twitter can always be counted on to make me laugh with funny and relatable quips.
Here’s a quick little round-up of some of my favorite tweets from women this week.
Hope these bring some smiles to your day!
Janene
#1
There's a woman in my office who is very very very obviously pregnant but she still hasn't mentioned it and I am being SO STRONG and I refuse to ask because I will never ever ask just in case
— nice things I say to myself (@meantomyself) August 22, 2024
#2
Lady behind me on this @delta flight is complaining to the stewardess because they made her check her bag and there’s a ton of room.
— Melissa Perri (@lissijean) August 19, 2024
Her husband to the stewardess: “you know she went to college with the CEO of Delta”
Stewardess: “You should have kept in touch.”
💀
#3
Last year I kept emailing my landlord and she wasn’t answering and I was so mad. This went on for several months. And then I realized I was emailing a random woman who worked at KitchenAid. Mary from KitchenAid I’m so sorry. Why didn’t you say anything
— Gabrielle Drolet (@gabrielledrolet) August 22, 2024
#4
Last night my husband and I went to a party. I noticed he was “sipping” some brown liquor and I sarcastically said, “Uh-oh!” and pointed to his drink and he rolled his eyes and said, “I am an adult.”
— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) August 25, 2024
It is 7:52 pm THE NEXT DAY and that adult has not gotten out of bed yet.
#5
There’s a teenage boy on the phone in front of the hospital and I think his mom just had twins because he’s pacing and going “No bro no, a brother and a sister, bro, no, no, bro, the doctor reached in there and PULLED OUT ANOTHER ONE.”
— Heather Hogan (@theheatherhogan) August 21, 2024
#6
i am begging America to get on board with siesta. i need my 12pm lunch break but i need my 3pm nap break more
— trash jones (@jzux) August 19, 2024
#7
babies love me not because i’m so motherly but because i also have a head that is disproportionately large compared to my body so they view me as a peer
— katie (@katiopolis) August 22, 2024
#8
why is sleeping at night so hard but sleeping in the morning is like drifting away on a soft fluffy cloud while adele sings you a lullaby
— Jenni (@hashjenni) August 22, 2024
#9
TV commercials in the 90s had me way too worried about having dishpan hands for a 10yo
— meghan (@deloisivete) August 23, 2024
#10
That cute, happy, refreshed look your baby gives you in the morning as though he didn’t terrorize your entire household all night long
— Kelly (@throeingit) August 24, 2024
#11
Me whenever I am staying somewhere I don’t live for longer than 2 days: could I….move here
— Mollie Goodfellow (@hansmollman) August 21, 2024
#12
the lady who waxes my eyebrows asked me what my favorite local hot dog places are and i got so animated she had to stop working for a second
— lauren (@Very__Regular) August 21, 2024
#13
My browser has 50 tabs open: each one a tiny monument to my procrastination.
— sixfootcandy (@sixfootcandy) August 20, 2024
#14
Woke up with a stomach bug so I’m lying down and watching The Price Is Right just like when I was a kid.
— krista pacion (@kristabellerina) August 21, 2024
#15
just watched a guy scooter down the street with a delivery food box tucked between his feet and when he went over a pothole the box fell off and he yelled “no not my omelette”
— Kristen Arnett (@Kristen_Arnett) August 18, 2024
#16
If you’re trying to impress me with your vehicle it better be a food truck.
— One Ordinary Girl (@audri_em) August 19, 2024
#17
Me: I’m not old
— meghan (@deloisivete) August 18, 2024
My phone flashlight that’s been on for an hour for no reason:
#18
the amount of scrolling I gotta do to find my birth year for online forms is becoming quite hurtful
— Brandy Jensen (@BrandyLJensen) August 19, 2024
#19
sometimes when you’re at the airport you have to spend $400 just to survive
— taylor garron (@taylorgarron) August 21, 2024
#20
When I was arguing with Amazon about a missing parcel and they asked me to provide a photo. pic.twitter.com/IiNq23pvJj
— Vitt (@vitt2tsnoc) August 18, 2024
