I thought I’d do a funny little round-up about cooking, since I figured pretty much everyone could relate.
Whether you’re a gourmet cook or a take-out pro, I hope these bring you some laughs!
Janene
#1
WHY DOES EVERY ONLINE RECIPE BEGIN WITH A 40 PAGE ESSAY ABOUT SOMEONES HUSBAND DOG AND KIDS AND A BRISK WALK THEY TOOK IN THE FALL AND HOW THEY LOVE THE CHANGING OF THE LEAVES AND THEIR DOGS FAVORITE TREAT. GIMME THE RECIPE HON MY SCROLL FINGER HURTS
— Chelsea Peretti (@chelseaperetti) November 22, 2018
#2
so funny when recipe writers are like “this is a perfect one for those days when you have NOTHING in your fridge. so you’re gonna start with some leftover pulled pork”
— charlie (@chunkbardey) January 4, 2022
#3
A cooking competition where contestants make whatever they want but my husband wanders around the kitchen and stands in front of the drawer they need
— meghan (@deloisivete) May 18, 2022
#4
Grilled cheese is made by burning one side and then nervously undercooking the other.
— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) October 31, 2020
#5
I’m making an omelette!
— Katie (@ALadyNamedKatie) January 19, 2023
*flips omelette*
I’m making scrambled eggs!
#6
Don’t let a recipe tell you how much cheese to add, just listen to your heart
— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) November 28, 2022
#7
If butter companies stopped printing the measurements on the wrapper I would literally not know what to do with myself
— Mommeh Dearest (@mommeh_dearest) July 29, 2024
#8
The most unrealistic part of cooking shows is when they have enough room in their fridge to fit an entire baking sheet.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) December 21, 2020
#9
My husband is cleaning out our baking cabinet and he just said to me "how attached are you to these nine bags of hardened brown sugar? Let me know if one of these is a family heirloom." And I felt that shade down to my core.
— Eli McCann (@EliMcCann) January 28, 2025
#10
If anyone is wondering why the pizza box reads, "Remove cardboard before baking," feel free to ask my 17yo son.
— 🎭ᑌᖇᔕᑌᒪᗩ🎭 (@3sunzzz) January 29, 2019
#11
recipes should include photos of the mess you have to clean up after cooking
— Matthew Tanner (@mtanner41) May 5, 2021
#12
getting pulled to the side on iron chef and being told im using too many paper towels while I cook
— brent (@murrman5) August 16, 2022
#13
In the kitchen with my apron on, my 4yo came in and said, "Your cape is on backwards." I still have to make dinner, but at least now I feel like a superhero.
— Annie Way (@Anniewritess) May 13, 2024
#14
Don’t ever let a recipe tell you how much garlic to put in. You measure that with your heart.
— 𝒥𝑒𝓌𝓁𝒾𝑒 (@jelly_momm) November 16, 2018
#15
I cooked a frozen lasagna with frozen garlic bread and a frozen apple pie for dessert and my son (literally oblivious this was all store bought) looked at me so genuinely and said, “In my life, I have never had anything you have made that tasted as good as this.”
— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) December 12, 2023
#16
I get to judge a macaroni and cheese cooking competition today. This is the greatest day of my life.
— octopus/caveman (@octopuscaveman) May 24, 2024
#17
I’ve been cooking for over 20 years and I still can’t make the right amount of pasta
— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) February 20, 2024
#18
Food Bloggers: Are you ready for an easy week night meal?
— Paige Kellerman (@PaigeKellerman) September 5, 2019
Me: Yes.
Food Bloggers: You'll probably even have most of the ingredients on hand.
Me: Awesome.
Food Bloggers: Ok, start by milking your goat.
Me: Wut
#19
Good news: I finally figured out what I want for dinner
— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) June 4, 2024
Bad news: it’s midnight now
#20
That moment when you finish all the dishes, turn around, and realize you forgot all the pots and pans on the stove.
— sixfootcandy (@sixfootcandy) June 21, 2024
#21
Welcome to adulthood. You have a favorite burner on the stove now.
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) January 18, 2019
#22
This is forty five bags of spinach pic.twitter.com/EZ6ZOesbAQ
— Annie McGrath 💙 (@AnnieMcTweet) July 26, 2018
#23
for my next trick, i will spend 4 hours cooking a meal that the recipe says should only take me 30 minutes
— trash jones (@jzux) December 3, 2022
#24
Before my parents married, my mom got cold feet because she couldn’t cook. She said one night, “It will never work. I can’t cook!!”
— Jennifer Begakis (@jenbegakis) July 5, 2024
My Greek dad said calmly, “You can cook five things, no?”
Mom, “Yeah..”
Dad, “Great, we’ll go out to dinner on weekends.”
#25
Shaking the air fryer basket halfway through cooking pic.twitter.com/93ooHBMvZJ
— meghan (@deloisivete) August 28, 2024
