Just a little round-up of some of the funny and relatable posts.
Hope these bring you some laughs and hope you have a great week!
Janene
#1
I'm not saying Lois Lane is a bad investigative journalist, but my friend Greg didn't wear glasses to work yesterday and I recognised him by lunch time.
— Vittoria (@vitt2tsnoc) August 17, 2024
#2
I’m on the treadmill and the girl next to me answers a call like it’s totally normal.
— David Dack (@DavidDack) February 9, 2026
All I hear is: “I told Brianna I know exactly what she did.”
I muted my music ASAP because if I’m gonna run in place for 30 minutes, I at least deserve the full story.#gossip
#3
The kids were asking me what time they were all born and I said the youngest was born at 1:29am, and they all agreed that it must have been nice that she just came out while I was sleeping.
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) July 30, 2024
#4
Why do I have to prove who I am to pay my bills over the phone? Do strangers call to pay my bills? If they do, why don't you let them?
— Bob Golen (@BobGolen) July 22, 2024
#5
before buying something online, ask yourself: do I want to get an email from this company for the rest of my life?
— Eden Dranger (@Eden_Eats) April 12, 2024
#6
Me: So my husband —
— Caitlin 🚗 🧀 Driscoll (@TeacherOnTopic) July 5, 2022
First grader: You have a husband?
Me: I do, the whole time you've known me.
First grader: Oh. I always thought you were feral.
Me: Er, do you mean 'single'?
First grader: Whatever the word is that you use for stray cats.
🙀
#7
My wife can't remember the password that she changed yesterday, but can remember what I said on June 8, 2014 at 6:47PM.
— Dan Regan (@DanRegan_Comedy) January 21, 2023
#8
“i couldn’t get into it” – me about a show i didn’t pay any attention to bc i was on my phone the whole time
— gabbi (@gabbi_thoughts) January 23, 2022
#9
Got banned for life from working in McDonald's on my first day for shouting YES McCHEF every time an order came in.
— FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF (@sofarrsogud) June 24, 2024
#10
Last year I kept emailing my landlord and she wasn’t answering and I was so mad. This went on for several months. And then I realized I was emailing a random woman who worked at KitchenAid. Mary from KitchenAid I’m so sorry. Why didn’t you say anything
— Gabrielle Drolet (@gabrielledrolet) August 22, 2024
#11
Good news: My son cleaned his room
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) June 9, 2020
Bad news: He found his harmonica
#12
for my next trick, i will spend 4 hours cooking a meal that the recipe says should only take me 30 minutes
— trash jones (@jzux) December 3, 2022
#13
Lady behind me on this @delta flight is complaining to the stewardess because they made her check her bag and there’s a ton of room.
— Melissa Perri (@lissijean) August 19, 2024
Her husband to the stewardess: “you know she went to college with the CEO of Delta”
Stewardess: “You should have kept in touch.”
💀
#14
why is sleeping at night so hard but sleeping in the morning is like drifting away on a soft fluffy cloud while adele sings you a lullaby
— Jenni (@hashjenni) August 22, 2024
#15
"You're acting weird."
— Bob Golen (@BobGolen) July 1, 2024
"First of all, I'm not acting."
#16
I don't like who I become when I'm watching someone Google something less efficiently than I would myself.
— Granite Man 🏴 (@GraniteDhuine) January 9, 2024
#17
god I wish I was the person I believed I could be when I bought all this produce
— sweatpants cher🔸 (@House_Feminist) November 3, 2018
#18
Me: they call me “the computer” at work
— Cooper Lawrence (@CooperLawrence) February 6, 2026
Them: because you’re so smart?
Me: because I fall asleep every 15 minutes I’m left unattended
#19
I was telling my sister that I’ve been going to the gym recently and my nephew said “you should go inside when you get there”and I don’t think I’ll ever recover from that.
— Dave (@tufdave) February 10, 2026
#20
On HGTV they can flip a house in a month and I've been "getting ready to vacuum" for the past two weeks.
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) September 16, 2018
#21
My 15 year old sister has a friend over and suddenly my 13 year old brother wants to walk around shirtless and curling dumbells😭😭
— PipiWepanext🇿🇼🇿🇦🇸🇿 (@PipiWepanext) February 10, 2026
#22
When I was arguing with Amazon about a missing parcel and they asked me to provide a photo. pic.twitter.com/IiNq23pvJj
— Vittoria (@vitt2tsnoc) August 18, 2024
#23
"This next song is about heartbreak and disloyalty and it's called 'Why Do You Smell Like Other Dogs, Janice'" pic.twitter.com/adhetV1zMS
— Paul Bronks (@SlenderSherbet) November 30, 2024
#24
i told her she can grab herself something to drink 🤣🤣 i forgot she don’t know how to read 😭😭😩 pic.twitter.com/b95bflcl9d
— Pryncess ✯ (@blackhautte) May 27, 2024
#25
left the kitchen for a minute at my parents house and by the time I got back the lemon I was cutting was wrapped in plastic pic.twitter.com/CbBPmuWrMi
— Eric Schwartau (@ericschmerick) November 28, 2024
