Here’s a little round-up of some of the funniest tweets I’ve come across lately.
Hope these bring you some laughs and hope you have a great week!
Janene
#1
My daughter has been experimenting with her own versions of “easy, peezy, lemon squeezy” and today she said “easy, crazy, mountain skeleton” and that’s gonna be tough to beat
— Drew Davenport 🎃 (@The_Davenporter) July 29, 2024
#2
It’s important that you all know that I am at Costco and a man next to me just rotated a box of Tide detergent and said, “Look how the tide has turned.”
— Andrea Stewart *UPDATES ONLY* (@AndreaGStewart) September 17, 2023
#3
Last weekend I took my kids to their first theme park. The logistics, money, hauling of all the things, lines…all ok because I wanted to do something special for them.
— Parenting Presently (@presentparent_) March 7, 2024
I also took them to a playground.
Then, because I must hate myself, I asked them which they liked better.
#4
It’s not a true driver’s license picture unless you look like all the happiness has been sucked out of your soul.
— Lindsay (@Rollinintheseat) April 15, 2024
#5
in 7th grade a boy asked me to be his girlfriend and I wasn’t sure I heard him correctly so I panicked and just said yes and then he high fived me and we never spoke again. Jamal, if you’re out there, happy 11 year anniversary
— erma (@erma_geddon) June 1, 2018
#6
I made bread and then I used that bread to make a grilled cheese sandwich and my bf still hasn’t proposed.
— your other mom (@difficultpatty) October 7, 2023
#7
I just told my daughter, “It’s 11:11 make a wish!” To which she replied, “My wish is that you go to the eye doctor because it’s 11:17.”
— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) July 28, 2024
#8
I’ve never met a windshield wiper speed that understands me.
— Kellalena (@topaz_kell) April 17, 2024
#9
Boyfriend told me he meal prepped today and upon investigation that meant he made and froze 20 peanut butter and jelly sandwiches
— horse plinko (@delaneycirce) April 19, 2024
#10
Someone just randomly approached me for advice at the supermarket because “you look like you know what you’re doing with cheese” and I don’t think I’ve ever been more flattered.
— Joy Marie Clarkson (@joynessthebrave) July 27, 2024
#11
Please don’t ever speak to me about math. I’ve moved on.
— Jaya Shrivastava (@Jaya2988) March 16, 2025
#12 Oh, but they’ll still try!!
One of the best parts of being an adult is nobody can make you go camping
— Jonathan Edward Durham (@thisone0verhere) October 16, 2024
#13
having siblings is so important because you learn the exact amount you can annoy someone before they try to physically kill you
— trash jones (@jzux) July 24, 2024
#14
I told my daughter she had to donate two toys to the community toy drive and she picked two of her sister’s toys to give away so I’m pretty sure she’s gonna be a CEO someday.
— The Dad (@thedad) October 6, 2022
#15
*road trip*
— meghan (@deloisivete) July 16, 2023
husband, day 1: absolutely no eating in the car
husband, day 4: *handing brisket to the kids in the backseat*
#16
My son got a face tat. Go ahead and bottle feed, it doesn’t matter.
— uncle mom (@mayamanion) December 18, 2022
#17
Husband trained 5 well. Every time we have rain, she stands at the window with her hands on her hips and says, “we really needed this.”
— Mummy Dear (@ThatMummyLife) July 20, 2023
#18
Telling my kids about using the TV Guide and watching them react like I’m telling them what it was like to flee my homeland in a cargo container.
— Upside Dad (@UpsideDad) July 11, 2023
#19
I asked my husband for help putting the laundry away so naturally he’s across the house hanging shelves I asked him to hang 8 months ago.
— One Awkward Mom (@oneawkwardmom) July 19, 2023
#20
Me: Why aren't you in bed?
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 9, 2023
7-year-old: I forgot.
Me: How do you forget to go to bed?
7: You live your best life.
