20 Funny and Relatable Tweets From “Dad Moon Rising”

parents of small children wondering when the early morning wake-ups end, my daughter in college sent an emergency text at 6am because she needs a fly swatter for her dorm, so the answer is never

— 🌜🤷‍♂️ 🤯Dad Moon Rising🤯 🤷‍♂️🌛 (@raoulvilla) October 4, 2022

when you get older 45% of sleeping is laying in bed and deciding whether to get up and pee or try to fall back asleep

— 🌜🤷‍♂️ 🤯Dad Moon Rising🤯 🤷‍♂️🌛 (@raoulvilla) November 1, 2022

once your children can function as your IT support the second half of life begins

— 🌜🤷‍♂️ 🤯Dad Moon Rising🤯 🤷‍♂️🌛 (@raoulvilla) September 29, 2022

marriage preparation books fail to mention that husbands will be expected to know the difference between regular tweezers and "the good tweezers"

— 🌜🤷‍♂️ 🤯Dad Moon Rising🤯 🤷‍♂️🌛 (@raoulvilla) September 1, 2022

wife and kids are threatening to remove me from the family group chat because my Android is messing it up and now I'm certain that I made the right phone choice

— 🌜🤷‍♂️ 🤯Dad Moon Rising🤯 🤷‍♂️🌛 (@raoulvilla) June 28, 2023

we heard a loud beep in McDonald's and my daughter asked if it was their ice cream machine flatlining

— 🌜🤷‍♂️ 🤯Dad Moon Rising🤯 🤷‍♂️🌛 (@raoulvilla) November 15, 2022

my daughter just dyed her hair turquoise and apparently has no idea that she's subjected herself to months of me asking if she's still feeling blue

— 🌜🤷‍♂️ 🤯Dad Moon Rising🤯 🤷‍♂️🌛 (@raoulvilla) January 2, 2023

good morning to everyone except the lady who dropped her daughter off at the school where my wife works and told my wife that she had to Google how to dress her daughter up for 80s spirit day because she was born in 1989

— 🌜🤷‍♂️ 🤯Dad Moon Rising🤯 🤷‍♂️🌛 (@raoulvilla) January 31, 2023

my daughter responded to my two paragraph text message with a thumbs up. Parenting books don't explain how to deal with this level of disrespect

— 🌜🤷‍♂️ 🤯Dad Moon Rising🤯 🤷‍♂️🌛 (@raoulvilla) November 19, 2022

it's awesome when your child is learning to drive because you get to hear them tell you in excruciating detail all the ways that your driving doesn't conform to existing traffic laws

— 🌜🤷‍♂️ 🤯Dad Moon Rising🤯 🤷‍♂️🌛 (@raoulvilla) February 22, 2023

my son asked for a new hoodie for Christmas, so for convenience and to save time I'm having it shipped directly to his girlfriend's house

— 🌜🤷‍♂️ 🤯Dad Moon Rising🤯 🤷‍♂️🌛 (@raoulvilla) November 25, 2023

My daughter just unexpectedly brought me a mocha latte. I won't say she's my favorite child, but it just became a whole lot easier to choose a new password when the old ones expire

— 🌜🤷‍♂️ 🤯Dad Moon Rising🤯 🤷‍♂️🌛 (@raoulvilla) July 23, 2022

38% of being a dad is sitting in a car looking at your watch and waiting for everybody else to come out

— 🌜🤷‍♂️ 🤯Dad Moon Rising🤯 🤷‍♂️🌛 (@raoulvilla) May 15, 2023

welcome to your 50s, if you pass a bathroom you stop and use it even if you don't have to go because you're not sure how long it'll be before you have the chance to go again

— 🌜🤷‍♂️ 🤯Dad Moon Rising🤯 🤷‍♂️🌛 (@raoulvilla) June 15, 2024

at dinner my wife said something I knew was 💯 wrong so I began to correct her…stopped myself and just nodded. Later that night out of the blue she asked me if I wanted a bowl of ice cream. Next husband level achieved

— 🌜🤷‍♂️ 🤯Dad Moon Rising🤯 🤷‍♂️🌛 (@raoulvilla) January 11, 2023

went to Costco this afternoon with my wife and mom and while they were discussing which is better, the green/yellow or blue/yellow sponges, I was able to see my soul actually leaving my body

— 🌜🤷‍♂️ 🤯Dad Moon Rising🤯 🤷‍♂️🌛 (@raoulvilla) October 16, 2022

Found the JanSport backpack that I had in college and it was still in pretty good shape so I gave it to my daughter and she had the nerve to ask why it doesn't have a laptop sleeve

— 🌜🤷‍♂️ 🤯Dad Moon Rising🤯 🤷‍♂️🌛 (@raoulvilla) August 5, 2024

made the mistake of offering a solution to the problem that my wife spent 20 minutes describing in great detail

— 🌜🤷‍♂️ 🤯Dad Moon Rising🤯 🤷‍♂️🌛 (@raoulvilla) March 10, 2023

There are 2 kinds of people, ones that assumes the worst traffic in driving history and leave 2 hours early and ones that think they can defy physics and leave just before they need to be there. They marry each other as penance for transgressions in a previous life

— 🌜🤷‍♂️ 🤯Dad Moon Rising🤯 🤷‍♂️🌛 (@raoulvilla) June 25, 2024

20's: need to look cool when I go out

30's: need to look cool and be comfortable when I go out

40's: need to be comfortable when I go out

50's: I don't need to go out

— 🌜🤷‍♂️ 🤯Dad Moon Rising🤯 🤷‍♂️🌛 (@raoulvilla) July 14, 2023