Top 20 Funny and Relatable Tweets From Parents This Week

One thing no one mentions in the baby books is how to store the rocks that suddenly appear in your house when you have children. So many inside rocks.

— Shannon (@ShannonJCurtin) February 2, 2023

Biggest argument of the day so far was when the 3-year-old gathered all the cheeses from the refrigerator and I had to wrestle them away from her while she screamed “IT’S FOR MY OBSTACLE COURSE”

— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) February 3, 2023

You had me at “easy recipe” but lost me at “sauté an onion.”

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) January 30, 2023

Me: Would you get me 2 things?
Husband: Send me a list.

— Laura is never ready (@ericamorecambe) February 1, 2023

My husband can eat an entire box of girl scout cookies in one sitting with no repercussions but if I make eye contact with a sleeve of tagalongs I gain 3 pounds

— One Awkward Mom (@oneawkwardmom) January 30, 2023

If you enjoy interacting with people who have strong opinions and minimal real life experiences, may I recommend teenagers.

— Ousa Medusa (@MedusaOusa) January 29, 2023

My wife just had two eggs for breakfast like we are the freaking Rockerfellers

— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) January 31, 2023

“Why do you look like that?”

– My child, on the rare occasion I wear makeup, my hair down, or anything other than sweats

— redyellowgreendance 💃🏻 (@RYGdance) January 27, 2023

At some point you’ll think you have this parenting thing figured out. Then your child will ask you to take the cheese off of their macaroni.

— kidversations (@kidversations_) February 1, 2023

My wife just had two eggs for breakfast like we are the freaking Rockerfellers

— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) January 31, 2023

My kids are the reason I breathe; they’re also the reason I swear, cry, yell, and eat waaay more carbs than I probably should.

— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) February 3, 2023

I told the baby to stop throwing her cup and she immediately grabbed it, took a long drink, threw it across the room and then looked me dead in the eye and said, "Uh oh."

— Trey (@treydayway) February 3, 2023

My mom once slapped ketchup and cheese on Wonder bread and called it pizza and my kids are complaining that their sushi isn’t cut to their satisfaction

— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) February 2, 2023

I choked on some water in the middle of the night and instead of asking if I was ok my husband just stared at me then went back to sleep in case you wondered what a long term relationship looks like

— An Apple Hat (@AnAppleHat) January 28, 2023

I duck my head down while driving into underground parking garages to make my car fit, in case you wondered what kind of superior intellect I’ve passed down to my kids.

— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) January 29, 2023

My 3-year-old telling me she didn’t flush any toys down the toilet is not as reassuring as she thinks it is.

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) February 4, 2023

If you were my 2-year-old, where would you hide your brother's brand new passport?

— Amy Liptrot (@amy_may) January 31, 2023

My husband broke his hand so I opened the pickle jar for him. He said “thanks”. I said “it’s no big dill”. Then I put the mostly empty dip back in the fridge and stood in front of the drawer he needed.

— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) January 29, 2023

My 5yo said she couldn't eat her bacon because syrup got on it. She was very upset, so I had to go into superhero mode. I took one for the team and bit off the piece of bacon that had syrup. My unconditional love for my child saved the day.

— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) January 28, 2023

My kids keep leaving their freaky realistic doll in weird places like this and I don't want to work from home anymore pic.twitter.com/GBtbdCSlu3

— Lil Bit 🌈 (@LizerReal) February 3, 2023