25 of the Best Quips From Women This Week

Another week and and another round of funny and relatable quips from women.

Hope these bring some smiles to your day!

Janene

#1 Uh-oh, looks like someone forgot Valentine’s Day…

My husband just walked in the door and saw a gift bag with red hearts all over it sitting on the table and I cannot make this up, said, “Is it someone’s birthday?”
— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) February 13, 2025

#2

Gotta find someone you’re thermostatically compatible with. You can’t be a 74 dating a 62.
— Shannon (@gardengirl125) February 15, 2025

#3

My little brother is baking Valentines cookies for his girlfriend🥹.

He’s been watching tutorials all week, you really can’t teach romance.
— TDB (@TabithaDBasia) February 12, 2025

#4

Waitress: What would you like to eat?

My 12 yr old Asperger son: Hamburger plain and dry- nothing on it just meat, bun and bacon.

Waitress: How would you like that burger cooked?

12 yr old: Delicious
— 𝗦𝗵𝗼𝘄 𝗠𝗲 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗗𝗮𝘁𝗮 (@txsalth2o) February 15, 2025

#5

Would it kill the makers of avocados to put a different toy inside?

I have like 50 wooden balls already.
— Dzintra – Author (@DzintraSullivan) February 15, 2025

#6

Can it still be an emotional support animal if the animal doesn’t want to participate?? Asking for my cat.
— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) February 11, 2025

#7

NO i dont want to make an account NO i dont want to download the app I want to feel the sun in my face i want to swim in a mountain stream
— callie actually (@myfriendcallie) February 12, 2025

#8

THRILLED to announce i did an Ironman this weekend! (attended 3 social gatherings in 3 days)
— kenzi (@kenzianidiot) February 11, 2025

#9

Appliances always know when you’re getting a tax refund.
— Michelle 🍎 (@michelleDbelle) February 10, 2025

#10

The first 12-16 hours after waking up are always the most difficult
— Nayele18 (@nayele18maybe) February 8, 2025

#11

I think I'll spend my savings on a lifetime supply of pasta.

Worth every penne.
— 𝕁. (@jtothet) February 11, 2025

#12

It doesn’t matter how bizarre your situation is. Somebody on Reddit already been there, done that.
— jaye. (@jayemonet) February 10, 2025

#13

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood and my GPS is re-routing because I took the wrong one.
— Paige Kellerman (@PaigeKellerman) February 12, 2025

#14

i don't need a man who will die for me, i need a man who will go to cvs at midnight to get me cold medicine.
— emily may (@emilykmay) February 10, 2025

#15

*retrieving the charging cord from the floor next to my bed* i am an athlete
— andy vs. (@im-all-id.bsky.social) February 16, 2025 at 7:12 AM

#16

The inventor of the ballet skirt was struggling for a name for his invention. Finally he put tu and tu together.
— Mariana Z (@mariana057.bsky.social) February 16, 2025 at 9:25 AM

#17

I’m at the age where I have to google why Kendrick and Drake have beef
— Emily ™ (@emily_tweets) February 10, 2025

#18

I would pay extra for a dental hygienist who was comfortable with silence.
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) February 11, 2025

#19

I have a complicated relationship with push/pull doors
— Nayele18 (@nayele18maybe) February 15, 2025

#20

I wonder if my dry skin would clear up if I stopped taking showers hotter than the burning pits of hell.

I guess we’ll never know.
— Jennifer Parker (@Mrs_JParker) February 12, 2025

#21

Asked my 7yo what he was looking forward to most about flying for the first time. He said riding around on the luggage carousel. I told him that's not a thing you do, and I'm really glad we had that talk before going to the airport.
— Hollie Harris (@allholls) February 15, 2025

#22

a girl in my office was shaking her protein shake and this woman poked her head around the corner and said “do I hear margaritas?”… no Olivia, it’s 9 am.
— 尺乇ᐯ (@revivemeqt) February 12, 2025

#23

As a kid I used to be annoyed with my parents for being boring on Saturdays and just taking naps all afternoon but omg I get it now
— meghan (@deloisivete) February 15, 2025

#24

My husband brought home a bouquet of mozzarella sticks resting in a baby vase of marinara. If this isn’t true love, I don’t know what is.
— sixfootcandy (@sixfootcandy) February 14, 2025

#25

recipe: use two garlic cloves
me: no problem boss pic.twitter.com/pARYLJEJmG
— Roxy (@RoxyTall) February 15, 2025

#1 Uh-oh, looks like someone forgot Valentine’s Day…

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For more laughs, check out: 22 Funny and Relatable Tweets That Will Take You Back to Your Childhood

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