Another week and and another round of funny and relatable quips from parents!
Here are some of the ones that made me laugh this week.
Wishing you all a great weekend!
Janene
#1
My wife and I eloped, but a month later we had a small party to celebrate with family and friends. Somewhere on the invitation we wrote, “bring an appetite,” which my wife’s Uncle Jerry misread as “bring an appetizer.” He showed up at the venue with a crockpot of enchiladas.
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) December 5, 2024
#2
Half of this strand of Christmas lights doesn’t work so I’m just going to ball it back up and toss it in the bin so it can piss me off again next year.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) December 5, 2024
#3
me: I'm eating a new piece of cheese every day
— meghan (@deloisivete) December 2, 2024
them: is it for an advent calendar
me: no
#4
Walking to baby's doctor appointment and wondering if I have unreasonable expectations.*
— Eli McCann (@EliMcCann) December 2, 2024
*that the pediatrician will immediately confess this is the most spectacular human specimen she's ever encountered and the reason she became a doctor.
#5
My 7yo casually told me he added a parachute to my Amazon cart that needed to be purchased soon with no additional explanation.
— Hollie Harris (@allholls) December 3, 2024
#6
Just once I want to be the mom who first sees the class holiday party list go live so I can be the bringer of paper plates
— meghan (@deloisivete) December 3, 2024
#7
Daughter: [giving me attitude]
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) December 5, 2024
Me [picking up phone]: That's it, I'm calling Santa.
Daughter: Dad I'm 24.
#8
Me: It’s 8:00.
— Jennifer Parker (@Mrs_JParker) December 2, 2024
6yo: No, it’s 7:59.
#9
Last night my seven year old asked to go to bed about 20 minutes before her normal bedtime. “Are you sleepy?” I asked. She said, “I’m not tired, I’m just tired of being awake,” and brother, I felt those words in my bones.
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) December 4, 2024
#10
My kid showed me his report about bears, and that’s a rough way to learn that someone you love doesn’t use Oxford commas
— meghan (@deloisivete) December 6, 2024
#11
We watched Flight of the Navigator and my son asked if I had seen it before. I told him I saw it in the theater when it came out. “SERIOUSLY?!?” he asked. I said “yeah…why are you shocked?” and he goes, “Oh, sorry, I just never know what kind of technology y’all had back then.”
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) December 2, 2024
#12
Aunt: which one of you was born first?
— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) December 2, 2024
Twin A: I came first.
Twin B: She’s the rough draft and I’m the final copy.
#13
Told my 6yo his friend's name was spelled Jacob and not J-cup and now he's mad at me
— meghan (@deloisivete) December 4, 2024
#14
I caught my 3yo singing “And a partridge in a pantry”
— Mommeh Dearest (@mommeh_dearest) December 2, 2024
#15
Breaking news: I’ve officially entered hour 6 of untangling my Christmas lights. Morale is low, coffee is gone, and I’m considering just wrapping the whole knot around the tree and calling it “modern art.”
— sixfootcandy (@sixfootcandy) December 2, 2024
#16
My daughter’s friend told me I was the most fun mom and I will never feel a high like this again
— Mom Jeans (@momjeansplease) December 2, 2024
#17
me: do you want a hot dog
— meghan (@deloisivete) December 4, 2024
my kid: noooo
me: do you want a hot dog cut up into little circles
my kid: …I'm listening
#18
I’m going to start carrying a sign that says “my child has a coat they just don’t want to wear it”
— Emily Zanotti 🦝 (@emzanotti) December 6, 2024
#19
I've discovered that paternity leave and that week between Christmas and New Year's are the same thing. What day is it? Have I eaten anything today? When did I last change my clothes? Why is there a warm cheese stick in my pocket? There are no answers to these questions.
— Eli McCann (@EliMcCann) December 6, 2024
#20
[Bath & Body Works]
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) December 2, 2024
Me: I need a bottle of body lotion for my wife.
Clerk: These are Buy 3 Get 1 Free.
Me: I just need this one here.
Clerk: That's not Buy 3 Get 1 but it IS Buy 1 Get 2 and if you buy this it's Buy 2 Get 3 Free.
Me [leaving with 300 bottles]: how did this happen
